so, merdeka is here again... saw some traces of fireworks from my bedroom window just now. even at 1am now, the atmosphere outside is really lively, with shoutings, laughings and the occasional firecrackers. must be kids from the nearby college. anyway, am questionning (in my mind) the government about the fireworks display, after the haze situation just mere weeks ago.
anyway, thank god tomorrow's a holiday. will most probably be catching up on my sleep. biological clock gone haywire. slept at 4am on sunday (technically monday morn) coz just can't bl**dy fall asleep! and yesterday (monday), had to finish up a long-overdue piece of work, by hook or by crook. stayed up till 3am to get it done and e-mailed out. so basically, only slept for 2 hours on sunday and 3 hours on monday. gosh, am so panda-eyed that it's a wonder the zoo authorities didn't come get me!
oh, and i got some bad news about my doggie (or rather, ex-doggie, coz i gave her away to a friend few years back when i moved to this apartment). on sat, i drove my friend N for her dental appointment and since we were in the area, we thought maybe we'd drop by to pay Niji a visit. when we got to the house and my friend came out to greet us, we expected to see Niji ('rainbow' in japanese) bounding out after her. but there was no sign of her, only Tao-Tao, Niji's son, who barked at us. so we ask LP. her reply was, "oh, Niji no more oredi loh!" gosh, my heart immediately went 'duk' into the pits of my stomach! after more questions, we learned that Niji has not died, but was kidnapped!
about 2 months back, after bathing Niji and Tao-Tao, LP left them out in the porch to be dried under the sun. and as usual, the 2 rascals escaped the confines of the gate and fence for some frolic outside. LP wasn't worried as they're always doing that and will come back eventually after a satisfying 'freedom run' around the neighbourhood. but that day, only Tao-Tao came back, sitting outside the gate waiting to be let in. no sign of Niji. i forgot to ask LP if they went out to search for her... after leaving LP's house, N and i discussed about it and came to the conclusion that her kidnapper couldn't have been from the area, as if they were, Niji would surely find a way to escape and make her way home (she's such an 'escapist'!). and we're nearly sure that she's been kidnapped, coz she just had her bath and would surely look all white and fluffy. also, she has always been a friendly doggie, due to the fact that she was brought up in a student house, with lots of ppl coming and going around her. so it'll be so easy to lure her into a waiting car. LP said she dun even bark at strangers who came to the house, unlike the fiercer Tao-Tao. of couse, there's always this nagging thought at the back of my mind that she could've been knocked down by a car or ended up as a meal for some foreigners. just pray that she's really been kidnapped, for her cuteness and not for her meat, and that her new owners treat her good. *sob*sob*
my baby, at 3 months old...
still have her pic in my room
in anticipation to payday tomorrow, i used up the last of my ringgit to buy myself this Salmon Chirashi set for dinner! ah, oishi ne... am satisfied!
gochisou sama deshitaaaaa!! but something's missing. can anyone guess what was that one single thing that would have made this meal complete?and so, these are all that i have left... 
guess now is a good time to work on my claims. but oh shucks! my manager is away and will only come back thurs next week! who's gonna sign for me??? hmm... and so, the moral of the story is: always make sure ur boss is around if u plan to get broke!
I remember quite clearly now when this story happened
The autumn leaves were floating and measured down to the ground
Recovering the lake where we used to swim like children
On the sun dare to shine
That time, we used to be happy
Well, I thought we were
But the truth was that - you had been longing to leave me
Not daring to tell me
On that precious night, watching the lake, vaguely conscious
You said: Our story was ending.
Now I'm standing here
No one to wipe away my tears
No one to keep me warm
And no one to walk along with
No one to make me feel
No one to make me whole
Oh! What am I to do?
I'm standing here alone
It doesn't seem so clear to me
What am I supposed to do about this burning heart of mine
Oh! What am I to do?
Or how should I react?
Oh! Tell me please!
The rain was killing the last days of summer
You had been killing my last breath of love
Since a long time ago...
I still don't think I'm gonna make it through another love story
You took it all away from me
And there I stand,
I knew I was gonna be the...
The one left behind
But still I'm watching the lake, vaguely conscious
And I know -
My life is ending.
~ Story, Viktor Lazlo 1986----------------------------------------heard this on the radio the other day. it sounded so sad that i cried. sitting there on the floor next to the radio, my tears just kept flowing. even after the song has finished, i'm still crying, long and hard (and loud!). the tune, the wordings, the tone of voice... they seemed to open up my old wounds (that was never really healed) and just let the tears wash over it. and my heart bleeds all over again. this Story is just like my story. *sigh...thinking back, come 31st august will be exactly one year i've been blogging, and also exactly one year since the incident that prompted my blogging. one year since my heart was torn open cruely, leaving a gaping wound that wouldn't heal. one year since i truly understand the expression 'bleeding heart', coz that was exactly what i felt. as if the heart is drowing in it's own pool of blood, suffocating itself while it sinks deeper and deeper into the dark abyss of hopelessness...
urgh! dunno why, a lot of bugs seem to like flying into my room. how come ar? even my housemates say so! and i especially hate those with wings! lately, a lot of larger and not-so-normal insects have shown up. normally it's just those small moths and the occasional beetle. last week, a BEE flown in, dunno from where. urgh! had me running, ducking, jumping and screaming all at the same time! luckily one of my housemates are not afraid of such winged creatures, so she bravely went into my room (which i've long since abandoned) to take care of it. me, i just stood at the doorway, barely daring to stick my head in to see what's going on! so useless hor?
and a few nights later, a huge gigantic grasshopper was found perched on my curtain railings. gosh! i really can't believe my eyes! when i finally believed that it's indeed a creepy crawly grasshopper, i slowly got up from my chair, not wanting to scare the thing, and then quickly run into my housemate's room to seek help. again, she bravely went into my room to shoo away the thing. but the thing just refused to be shooed! it flew (yes, it actually FLEW - what large wings it has!) around my room, with my housemate following it around with a plastic bag. finally she managed to get it down to the floor, where she tried to cover it with the plastic bag. even so, it was only after a few attempts that it was finally captured. and during the whole process, i was screaming and jumping around OUTSIDE the room. the grasshopper gave one jump/fly, i'll give a shrill "aaahhh" *jump* once. aiyo, shy only... :Þand yesterday, a big giant moth pulak few into my room. it's those really big brown and white kind that u find in cold places. urgh!!! hate them! again, my housemate to the rescue... so kagum. how can she not scared of those things ar? my other housemate was laughing at me, saying maybe i have a sign that said, "all bugs welcomed". urgh!neeways, this brave housemate told me that this month will have a lot of such insects, as it's a you-know-what month. OMG, thanks a lot of reminding me! some ppl believe that momoks will take on the form of insects to 'visit' the living. basically, i dun really believe this last bit. and anyway, heard somewhere that if a house is haunted, u'll never find any insect in it, not even a spider or mouse. coz their animal instincts will tell them that the house is 'dirty' and will stay away. is that the reason for my room being visited so frequently by those creepy crawlies?*still craving for sushi!
stumbled across a blog of someone i know, a joint-blog between an acquaintance n his gf. what an eye-opener! it's so full of emotions, i'd never have believed it if i've not read it for myself. the guy writes about all the love he has for his gf. am impressed as it's nice to see a guy so into a gal. it's something that some people would never experience: a total love for a gal. pity...AND then he writes about his hate for nearly everything around him! he even gripes about the escalator! his gf is also the same. i'm so surprised... she seemed like a nice soft-spoken gal (i know her personally). guess we really can't judge the book by it's cover <=== something i should've learnt a long time ago with all the betrayals done upon me.after reading their blog, i think i'm really an angel! hahaha... not exactly a saint, as there are some things n ppl that i hate, but not to THAT extend! gosh, isn't it tiring to hate every little minor things around u? the guy who stopped to talk to u, ur boss, ur landlady, ur gf's landlady, ur job, ur belly etc... really so many things to hate meh??? i wonder if ppl i know would be surprise when reading my blog. to read about the true me. one way or the other, life is like a masquerade.Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade,
Masquerade,
Hide your face,
so the world will never find you!
Masquerade!
Every face a different shade
Masquerade,
Turn around
there's another mask behind you. ~Masquerade, Phantom of the Opera
neeways, lucky for them that there's no mention of ME in there! if not, i'd surely hate them back with similar intensity! 
*craving for sushi...
2 good friends of mine gave birth recently...
cherry's baby isabelle, born on 19 July 2005
biow's baby wenn, born on 14 August 2005anyway, a comment on siblings i made in biow's blog awakened my memory (albeit a failing one!) of an incident i had with my bro when we were very young...i think i was just a wee baby then, barely one week old and still with the plaster stucked at my belly button. (*note: this was told to me by bro n dad, coz obviously i was too young to comprehend or remember!) anyway, bro was in the same room with me when dad popped in to check on us. he saw that 2 y/o bro had somehow caused my tali pusat plaster to fall off and immediately sat him down to have a 'man-to-man' talk with him.according to bro, dad said very solemnly to him, "mei-mei is very small and you are her kor kor. you must protect her ok? you must make sure she is not harmed", at which bro nodded as if in total understanding. from that day onwards, bro has never laid a pinky on me, even when we were fighting. he'd always let me win. so nice hor? hehehe... bro always blame that talk with dad, saying that it psycho-ed him into always letting me bully him. good ole dad! but i think i'm not too spoiled to take advantage of my bro's soft spot for me. i know my limits.....
read somewhere that fish have the shortest memory span, esp goldfish, with only 2 minutes of memory. well, whenever i think of this, i'll think of dory from Finding Nemo! so funny, that fish!neeways, reason i'm blogging abt this is because i find that my memory span is getting shorter by the day... signs of ageing? *sob*sob*had QES training today. this particular training is made up of 5 modules, and we need to attend 1 module every month, today being the 3rd. during today's training, i found that i can't remember anything from the last 2 modules! gosh... when the trainer review on the things we've covered in the past months, i'm like searching frantically in my brain for any trace of those things... so sad. now i can REALLY forget abt further studies. maybe it's because it's such a classroom theory training. so sien... and so not interesting at all. i think i'm the type who does better at skill learning rather than theory. ask me abt the rules of grammar and i can only stare at you blankly, really. i only know how to apply it... thank god i didn't aspire to be a teacher! 
apparently, chinese feng-shui and zodiacs are not restricted to only chinese. now, which is better: to tell a guy straight that “i’m single and available, tho' not as available as u'd like but hey, we can still be friends”; or just plain “sorry, i'm not available” even tho’ that’s not the truth?
anyway, there’s this guy of another race. it's not that i'm against inter-racial relationships or anything like that. but they just don't attract me. i mean, it's one thing to drool over their good looks and all, but another to actually get involved with them.
i think it all has to do with pheromones or chemistry as some may like to call it. i have an acute sense of smell. i'm always sensitive to smell, esp smoke (can imagine my torture in this hazy weather) and body odour. and IMHO (in my humble opinion), i think ppl of different races smell differently. of course, the body odour of some ppl really have nothing to do with their race, but that's an entirely different story. anyway, i hope i'm not being racist...
got my SURGICAL mask at last. can u recognize me? do i look like a SARS patient? and oh yeah, bet no one can guess where i bought it! 
the golf course view from my apartment at around 6.30pm yesterday. the haze situation in KL is getting really bad. it has even seeped its way into Suria (KLCC) and the whole shopping complex took on a sureal look. so scary... now even non-middle eastern women (here on vacations by the busloads) are having their faces covered. it's like the SARS scare all over again...well, was thinking of getting a mask for myself, since i had to walk to and from the lrt station everyday. but when i went to the pharmacy and asked for a face mask yesterday, i was shown to the aisle displaying facial mask! the promoter even asked me if i wanted the cooling one or the mud mask! *rolling eyes* maybe i should've said 'surgical mask' instead, but still...yesterday proved to be the worst case so far, with KL City Centre reaching 460 API at 3pm (*note: this info was received via e-mail yesterday. but today's newspaper stated that yesterday's API was actually 181). it's been announced that an emergency would only be declared if the API reaches 500. here's an API descriptor for reference:0-50 good
51-100 moderate
101-200 unhealthy
201-300 very unhealthy
>300 hazardous i think by the time the API do reach 500, there won't be any need to declare emergency anymore as everyone would have died from suffocation already!
informed by mom and cousins that popo's kampung house has been demolished! gosh!!! i can't believe it! apparently, the motobike shop owner (who took over the kopitiam next door and converted it into a motorbike repair shop) bought over the land or something. so now the whole place is flattened out. gosh, still can't believe it!it's been so long since i passed by that place that i can't even remember when was the last time i laid eyes on it. from what i recall, it's overgrown with weeds and is really dilapidated looking. i think its doors and windows has not been thrown open once and its inside has not seen any sunlight since popo and everyone moved out in 1992/93. i guess the house must've been really sad to be abandoned like that and just gave up being a house, allowing all the weeds and wilderness around it to move in and consume it.sometime last year, my cousin told me he stopped by it to show his young daughter and sons the house he grew up in. weeds and all sorts of lallang were growing around it, even inside the house. and it was infested with mosquitoes! what started out as a trip down daddy's memory lane for my niece and nephews turned out to be a mozzie nightmare, which they kesian-ly extended their legs and arms to me as proofs. the motorbike repair man even came out to warn him that a big snake has been sighted there before and not to bring his children too close to the place. well, it's a wonder the motorbike repair owner wanted to flattened out the place!but oh, the sweet dear kampung house where i practically grew up in! with the high stone staircase that leads down to the kitchen, the zinc kitchen roof, the outdoor non-flush toilet, the stone stove lighted with firewood at the back for popo to boil water, the jambu air tree filled with kerengga (those big red ants whose bite stings like hell), the little drain that ran across the 'backyard' where the ducks popo kept would drink from, the little shaded area next to the jambu tree where popo tied lebbie the mongrel, the cool 'basement' place where i spent many a hot afternoons with my playmates and where i hid (and eventually found by popo) to weep, no, wail my heart out when popo told me lebbie would have to be put to sleep, the hut at the far back where all the firewood were kept, the marshy muddy fenced-in area where popo kept her ducks, the reban for popo's chickens, the railings and beams where i clung my wee body to while pleading with mom to let me stay the night, the little lane beside the house where the ice-cream man would pass everyday whose ring-ring would send us running to beg 20 sen from popo for a stick of ice-cream... oh, all the memories!and along with it, another piece of popo is robbed from us too.
my room with the piano (top) and post-piano days. can see the difference? not the difference in bedsheet n curtains lar! but the furniture... the piano is the almost black-dark brown thing right next to the computer, in case anyone still can't find it. here, the arrangaments are quite similar, unlike the pre-piano days. too bad didn't have that pic in soft copy, coz was taken a long time ago when i first moved in. that time belum buy digital camera yet... p/s: my room looks a bit bare without aragon looking down at me sleep hor? removed that poster coz always have the icky feeling of aragon glaring at me n trying to stab me with his sword, esp in the dark! tho' why would anyone, esp righteous aragon, wanna stab such a cute damsel is way beyond me! :Þ
"hope you find your true love", "hope you treat your next one better", "here's wishing you happiness"how many times have we uttered these words at the end of a failed relationship? and how many times do we actually mean it and say it from the bottom of our hearts? dunno about the rest of the human kind, but for me, nil. if i were to say what was really in my heart, it would go something like this:"here's wishing you'll never find another as good and nice and pretty and intelligent and smart and cute etc (note that it's all AND and not OR) as me, and spend the rest of your life alone, regretting every second the hurt you've caused me and every drop of tears you've caused me to shed."yep, i'm keeping grudges. i can't let go. i can't forgive. i don't want to forgive. no one who hurt me that much have the right to be happy. what makes him think that he can just drop in, play havoc with me and then drop out again? this is no bloody touch n' go, ok?evil as it may seem, i'm really curious about the kind of karma he's created for cheating n lying, tho' no doubt the very thought of it (and the pleasure from knowing he's definitely created a whole big chunk of it) would have earned me some -ve karma of my own.
