Thursday, 30 December 2004

should've eaten it!

this is a mickey choc my previous japanese manager from ntt bought for me from universal studio japan. i was too sayang wanna eat it, so just kept it in the fridge still sealed. but yesterday, i opened it and found that it has expired, with white fungus all over it! what a pity... so took this pic b4 throwing it away. but i still kept the metal casing tho'. good for keeping CDs!


Wednesday, 29 December 2004

book sharing...

have just created a new blog, "my books", abt some of the good books i've read and wish to share with ppl. i've been wanting to contribute something to the book sharing section in our acad K's newletter for so long... but have been putting it off until now. so this is my first contribution, n hopefully there will be more to come! i've wanted to put a link to my books section in my sidebar, but i dunno how to create a button for it. so anyone wishing to view it, u'd just have to click on my profile and scroll to the bottom. or u can just bookmark it.

Tuesday, 28 December 2004

blogging thru e-mail

hmm... funny... how come my blog "hope this works" have those blogger logos n buttons in them ar? weird.

it worked!

yay! it worked! tho' a bit slow... i sent it at ard 1am, but it got posted at only 4.30am... and i still can't access my doodle-board or post comments, or post pics. sien... still, it's better than nothing lar... :(

hope this works...

testing out blogging thru e-mail... hmm... i wonder if it'll show up nicely on my blog page, with my assigned fonts n colours...

just one of those days

my fren in US, lotsachi, pointed me to her fren's blog, "of memoirs and musings" and i was really impressed by her writing! the first time i went to her site, i was like 'WOW'... go have a look when u have time. i think this gal is extremely talented, not only in her writings, but also in photography! n lotsachi told me she can act very well too! multi-talented gal lar... below is a poem i 'stole' from her blog that i'd like to share with u, with her permission of course! i think this poem is something most of us can relate to, we all feel this way at one point or other in our lives.

Just one of those bloody days
When you thought it would feel better to swear
only to feel worse when you do
When you regret letting words fly in anger
though you knew that such damage cannot wholly be undone
When you feel like shutting up and caring less
for the world seems to tire of you these days
Alas, my conscience can only suffer this much

Just one of those wretched days
When you wish your heart could no longer feel
so that you are spared the hurt and pain
When you think that having a sensitive nature
is seriously heavens' little joke on you
When you want to just give up
analyzing and deconstructing that thing called love
Alas, my heart can only take this much

Just one of those forsaken days
When you wonder could it just be you having PMS
or that no one told you it was Global PMS Week
When your spirits feel the weight of living
and lightness of the heart does not come easy
When your Chance cards run out
and your guardian angel's gone on extended vacation
Alas, my patience can only stretch this much

Just one of those tired days
When you go round and round in circles
or that you can't take a step forward nor a step back
When your mindless life feels like
brush-teeth water swirling down the toilet sink
When you don't think it is scary
to wish you went to asleep and never to awake
Alas my body can only support this much

Just one of those solemn days
When you lie awake with bittersweet insomnia
seeking solace in marathon Jay therapy sessions
When you long for the simplicity of days gone by
among rubber trees, monitor lizards and bikes with no brakes
When you cover your tear-stained face and finally close your eyes
to pray that tomorrow could just be a tad bit kinder

and that someone still hears your heart's whispers
for alas, my soul can only bear this much

now, i can NEVER write like that... i'm not that creative with words. so now u see how i'm in the wrong field? so pai-seh to call myself a 'copywriter'... should change that to 'kopi maker'! and i can't make a decent cup of coffee other than those 3-in-1 things! *sigh...

no mood...

gosh... what an xmas! with the devastating scenes from the earthquake everywhere u look, one can't help but feel really down. my good fren, N, sms-ed me that her mom's whole village at teluk intan had to be evacuated. of course, her mom is now in kl, but all her uncles are there. it's a fishing village by the sea, and when the tidal waves struck, all the fishing boats were gone in just one sweep! and their houses were destroyed and they lost everything! hmm... it'll be a bleak new year and chinese new year for many this year.

well, with the death toll, damages and calamities brought on by this disaster, it may seem pretty selfish of me to mope abt all the internet restrictions imposed by my company IT manager. but i still feel like moping. really no mood to work today. he might as well remove all our internet privileges, since we can't go to any sites worth surfing. even those sites that has not been blocked are so slow to load. so stupid. made the whole thing so slow...

hmm... i think from now on, i'll be blogging less coz the only time i have to waste is in the office. i'm very bz at home, so i can't be logging in every night to blog. *sigh... so sien.

Saturday, 25 December 2004

more restrictions...

shucks! my company's IT manager found out that we've been using the webmessenger as substitute for msn... so since yesterday afternoon, we've been having trouble logging in. looks like he's banned webmessenger as well... our only hope!!! gosh, that really sucks!

not only that. along with the webmessenger, we can't seem to access some other sites as well... i can't even access my blog!!! now that really sucks big time! so from now on, no more blogging from the office. hmm... n mostly i'm very lazy to log-on to the internet from home with my oh-so-slow dial-up, not to mention not much time at home. *sigh...

life's a bitch!

unless of course, i can persuade him to open up this site, along with my photo hosting site n the doodle-board. hmm...

company annual dinner & christmas celebration...

n as usual, the highlight of such events is the lucky draw! hehehe... we were fortunate to not only have enough presies for everyone, but we get to draw 2 prizes!

in the afternoon, i drew a (compaq) ipaq personal mini-cd player! it's among the most coveted prizes... hmm... but i dun have much use for it ler. not really the kind of walkman/discman totting gal.

then at nite during the dinner proper, i drew an electronic cake mixer! gosh, i should've waited until this weekend to make my cake! then my hand won't become cramped from all those manual stirring n mixing... hahaha... i know biow is laughing at me now, coz before i started making the cake, she did warned me abt the stirring n mixing part... but i assured her that i can do it manually.

but i think getting this mixer is not that great lar... mom oredi has a mixer which she doesn't use anymore... i can always get it from her if i wanna continue baking. hmm... but then again, at least it's better than getitng those 'yu yan sang' chicken essence or mushroom.

also, during the annual dinner, my group won a food hamper for getting first prize in the games. hehehe... which group won't win with ME as the team member? kekeke... actually, i'm supposed to be one of the working com for this annual dinner + christmas celebration, coz it's under my dept's 'jurisdiction'. but my hr manager decided that i should join in the games, coz being the active (in other words 'noisy') gal that i am, i would set the whole atmosphere for the nite to be fun.

joy, peace n happiness to the world! merry christmas!!

Tuesday, 21 December 2004

my first cake!

made my first cake the other day... hehehe... note that i said 'made' and not 'baked', coz it's a non-bake version! anyway, it's a choc chip oreos cheese cake! really rich n sinful! kekeke... but i gotta say, it tasted pretty good for a novice!

anyway, some of u may ask: "y suddenly wanna make cake?"... "make cake for who?" i know some of u may even be thinking i have a new bf hidden away n i'm making the cake to impress him! HA! wrong! truth is, i've always wanted to try my hands at baking... but have not gotten round to it (like so many other things i wanna do!)

then thanks to biow and my fren N, who supplied me with the recipe, tips and advices... i finally did it! but it's not as easy as they said it would be... maybe coz i dun have all those baking 'gadgets'. did it all with a whisk, which made my hands cramped from all those stirring n mixing... below are some pics... presentation not that nice tho'.

view from top... with the crushed oreos as garnishings...

side view... i was afraid to slide the cake off from the aluminium pan... so i just cut out the sides around the cake, just left the bottom part at below.


cut out view... can see the biji-biji of choc chips inside? fattening!! hehehe...

Friday, 17 December 2004

someone's trying to con me...

hmm... some time ago, i posted my digital piano on the for RM3k. then the other day, someone contacted me abt it... the first fishy thing abt it is, he didn't bid on ebay, but straight away offer me a higher price. here's his e-mail:

Am Kollins Joe from a nearby country(Singapore), am a seller as well which I have agent in some neighbourhood countries like China,Japan,and also in Europe like England,Spain and also in some small African Counties like Ghana,Gabon and likely in Nigeria.Am interested in buying this item of yours as a Christmas gift for some of my crucial agent in Africa(Nigeria),but before I do so I will like to know the condition of this item and also telling you that I can afford to pay you MYR4000 if you are ready and willing to sell for me I will be paying through Bidpay or western union money order because they deals with taking huge amount of money directly to the seller at home. So I will like to know your mind on this because I will be making the payment quickly once my offer is accepted and I will also be handling the shippment by myself because I have an account with one of the courier service(Fedex).Awaiting your quick response.
Kollins Joe

actually, this was his 2nd e-mail to me. his first was exactly the same, but with the price quoted at RM4500. anyway, here's my reply:


i noticed that u quoted a different price here from your previous mail (dated 1st dec).

as for the condition of the item, it's only 1 year old and still very brand new.

if you are still interested, kindly close the deal as soon as possible as another person has contacted me abt it.

his reply:


I have been looking forward for your response since about the selling of your piano. I am glad to hear from you that I am the highest bider for your item, so I have to purchase this item if only you are willing to sell in the next 3 business days and also I should send you the payment directly so I don't want to us to waste much time on this transaction again.

I will like to inform you that my method of payment will be through Western Union Money Order/Bidpay because it is the best method of payment which I normarlly used with most of the sellers and also it is safed and guaranteed because your money will be post directly to your home without you paying any addional or handling fees before collection.

I will also like to inform you that I will be responsible for the shippment of the item,so as far as the payment is cleared I will instruct my courier service(Fedex) to come over to your home for the collection of the items but before they do so, I will have to send you some crucial shipping document which you will need to print out directly from your email box and paste on the package before the Fedex officer arrival.And also you don't need to pay for the courier service, I will be responsible for that.

All I need is your full name, contact address so that I will be able to make the payment asap.As soon as the payment has been made by me you will receive a pending mail confirmation from the Western Union Money Order Service/Bidpay service indicating that the money has been made and it is in transit for delivery and after that probably withing some few hours you will receive the approval mail from them signifying that the payment has been approved so you most proceed with the shippment.

I will like to ask for a favour from you and it is just that I will not be able to wait for the payment to be approved because this transaction has been late already, so I want you to release the item to the courier service once you get the pending confirmation email because i am sending this item as a christmas gift to one of my crucial agent in Africa. Awaiting your good response on this.

Kollins Joe

getting fishier... my reply:


thanks for the prompt reply. but in your mail, you didn't mention about the price. so which is the agreed upon price? RM4500?

as i'm not familiar with the payment methods of Western Union Money Order/Bidpay, i think it'll be better if i wait for the payment to be approved, since you said it's only within a few hours. will that be alright?

one more thing that i should ask. seeing that it's a piano, i have some concerns about the packaging... how should i get the piano ready for the courier service personnels? or would it be ok to just leave the piano as it is and the courier people would know what to do with it?

my full name and address is as follow:
(Full name)

his reply:

Thanks for given your payments details.Well i will conatct western union office tomorrow and make the payments of RM5000, so you should get back to me immediately my payments has been approved.

note that the price has changed again! apa lar... my reply (in my mind):

you scumbag! do you think u can con me that easily? it's so obvious that this is all a hoax! now take ur bloody RM5k and go to hell!

but i didn't lar. coz i stupidly gave him my full name and home address... n he also has my e-mail add... dunno what he can do with it. so i just replied:

i'm very sorry to tell you that the item has been sold. i received the payment for it yesterday in cash. so as i go on a first-come-first-served basis (as i've informed you earlier), i've closed the deal. the piano would be shipped out today. thanks for your interest anyway.

*sigh... i knew it's too good to be true...

Wednesday, 15 December 2004

right decision?

was being called for an interview... supposed to be at 2.50pm today... but i rejected it. hmm... dunno if i did right.

it was at Nilai College, see... actually, the only reason i wanna leave this current company is the low salary. so if they kenot offer me my expected salary, then i think there's no point for me to uproot myself from kl n move all the way to nilai. even if they offer me higher than my current pay, but lower than my expected one, i dun think it's worth it. and all the way to nilai!

so yesterday i called them up to tell them that i'll give it a pass. the hr gal, joanne, was very nice... she was like trying to persuade me to go and take a look at the place, tho i stressed on the salary part. she also said they'll really like to get to know me and asked me to just attend the interview b4 making any decision. i think they were attracted to my cv, coz in their ad, they wrote that some experience in event management would be an added advantage. and that's exactly what i have, on top of my main job functions.

hmm... but i said that there's no point for me to go if they dun have that kind of allocations for my position. at last she asked if my expected salary is negotiable. i said no, coz that's the one and only reason i wanna leave, as i'm quite comfy in my current company. she said actually the decision rests on the board and not her. but she kept trying to get me to attend the interview, but i said no lar. y wanna take emergency leave and drive all the way there when i know i won't be interested in what they are offering?

now i'm not sure abt my desicion and if i'm letting go an opportunity for me to upgrade myself. i mean, what if this is the answer to my prayers? after all, i did pray for a satisfying job... and i didn't specify WHERE. hmm...

still... it's NILAI. dun get me wrong... it's as good a place as any other. i'm not looking down on the place or anything. i was just thinking abt my life here in kl. it's not that i have much of a life here, but at least i'll have places to go when i do feel like going out. and at least i have friends in kl. if i'm tucked away in nilai, i won't even be able to continue my skating!

ok ok... i'll just forget abt it. there's no turning back now, so no use regreting it. but one still wonders if it was a lost opportunity.....

Tuesday, 14 December 2004

missing in action

got a call from one of the persons-in-charge from the Renaissance Choir yesterday... coz i've been missing too many practices. *sigh... have been so bogged down by work n stuff that i just can't find time to go. hmm...

actually, now i wonder if i was too rash in getting myself involved in so many things all at once. i'm so tired all the time! tiredness is like a perpetual shadow for me... *sigh...

anyway, the choir PIC asked me if anything was wrong and if she'd be seeing me at practice anytime soon... frankly, at that very moment, i felt like telling her that i really can't commit and wish out, that i made a big mistake by thinking that i could, when in actual sense i can't.

even for sunday practices, i'd feel too tired to go. normally i'd stay up until the wee hours of sunday to finish up my work, usually sleeping only at 4-5 am. that's y i'm always MIA.

but then i thought of M, who so painstakingly helped me get an audition... i'll feel so guilty! n she'll think i am not serious and was just playing ard... *sigh... how ar?

Monday, 13 December 2004

reply to my ukm choir group

hi ppl. looks like xmas mood is here... an early christmas wish to everyone!

neeways eugene, i think most of us feel that way... after a few years in the working world, we'll be a little lost. working is so different from studying. in uni, our lives are marked with assignments, exams, semesters, practices etc. but once we step into the working world, it's all flat day in day out. that's y after sometime, we'll begin to ask ourselves, "gosh, what m i doing? where is my life going?" they dun teach us how to deal with this in uni, but it still haunts us...

1) dun ask me how to deal with it, i'm still lost! kekeke... :Þ
2) it's called Cyberview Lodge

in reply to:
"The Choir will be going to Sabah next January, and I may be quitting my new job at the end of the month/year...very disillusioned now....just don't know what to do with my life now. Choir members, former and present ones, if you people do believe in God, please remember me in your prayers....

Speaking of carolling, some of the Choir members will be singing on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day itself at the Cyberlodge something....

monday monday

another monday... YAWN!!! still tired... panda eyes getting darker. hopefully it'll not become a permanent thing that no amount of eye gel/cream can remedy... *sigh...

hmm... i wonder if sk-ii is really as great as advertised? tried their mask once, really soothing and nice. but i've heard the amount of pitera used in their products is really harmful to our skin and once we stop using it, our skin will age really fast. so means we'll have to keep using it for the rest of our lives in order to maintain our youthful looks? pokkai lar, like that... no wonder bloody sk-ii is making such big bucks!

neeways... seeing that it's dec, many ppl are talking abt new year's resolutions n stuff... to tell the truth, i've stopped making any new year's resolutions years ago. coz dun seem to be able to keep them... maybe just the first few months lar, then will get sien with it... kekeke... i'm a sucker in keeping resolutions.

but i guess one needs to have some sort of resolution, just to keep tract of our progress in life... will stack up my pillows high-high tonight n ponder abt this issue... gosh, i'm anticipating a big headache tonight!

Sunday, 12 December 2004

greetings from m'ca!

hehehe... now on my bro's pc, trying out his new broadband... dem fast man! hmm... hopefully this blog dun leave any trace on his pc... won't want him to be nosing ard!

came back today, will be going back to kl tomorrow. spend the whole day arranging and re-arranging all the photos my bro n i took during our hk trip into 2 big albums. then at night, went to Jonker Walk with mom n dad... wow! that place is really happening! they have lotsa things there, including china-made stuff. n pretty cheap too! i told my mom we shouldn't have bought anything from china lar... after coming back, we should've just gone to Jonker Walk and buy all those china-made stuff as souvenirs for our friends! kekeke...

Friday, 10 December 2004

we're always looking...

hmm... been talking to my fren, Biow... she's been lamenting to me abt not being able to find anyone in singapore to call a friend. there just don't seem to be any 'kindred spirit' anywhere! so cham...

well, i guess everyone of us are always searching... Biow's searching for a true friend, someone she can be chummy-chummy with, talk on the phone for hours, go for coffee n shopping, share recipes... then my friend Mico, she's looking for a job. her bond with her current company would be ending soon and she wants to move on.

me? hmm... i think i'm searching for a lot of things. but currently, that thing would be a better-paying job that'll not only give me financial satisfaction, but also job satisfaction.

well, some ppl think i should be looking for one other thing, that is a special someone... i guess i should too. like i told Biow, it's not that i'm worried abt my single-hood or anything. i'm perfectly comfy with that. it's just that sometimes it'll really be nice to have someone. i am after all, a gal. and i believe, no matter how strong and confident a gal is on the outside, she'll have moments when she feels down, vulnerable, small, ugly, not appreciated, invisible, etc... she'll still need someone to pamper n love her.

but in the mean time, i'm really thankful for my frens... they're always there for me and are always ready to listen when i need my bitching sessions... kekeke... hey, b4 anyone start looking at me something weird, the bitching i mean here is some sharing and talking and just letting everything out... we're all venusians and bitching is something all venusians need to lift us out from our depths of despair.


been so lazy lately... *sigh... dun feel like doing any work. getting so sick of my work. so tired...

sometimes i'll ask myself if it's really worth it. all my time, effort, energy, not to mention my lost sleep! and it's making me look so haggard and ah mah-like... *sigh...

how nice it would be if after getting home, i'll be able to maybe watch some vcd or read... or just laze around, go for a swim... or go out whenever i feel like it, without having to worry abt my unfinished work?

and sad to say, i've been missing choir practices for weeks! i'm really behind in my work, but i just can't seem to finish them! it's really getting overwhelming...

i wonder for how long i'll have to live like this...

Wednesday, 8 December 2004

looks like the sky is clearing...

i finally managed to get hold of my fren J... it turned out he didn't get any of my sms, so have no idea wat's going on. anyway, when i told him everything abt Sam, he said he didn't promise him anything abt us bearing the cost of transportation... he merely said that we'll help him arrange for transportation, coz Sam said he can't possibly come down to fetch it up to penang himself. maybe Sam misunderstood J and thought we'll cover the cost as well?

anyway, i have another good news!!! just found out that it was announced in our company's HOD meeting yesterday that we'll be getting bonus after all!!! hooray!!! tho' it won't be like my previous company's fixed 2 months, but at least it's something... and also, we'll be getting our 2nd n 3rd quarters' staff incentive together, due in late dec or early jan. now isn't that something?? so happy... will be going to see abt my skates after practice this fri, to get my fittings and stuff. tho' i won't rush into buying it yet, coz the piano is not confirmed sold yet. still have to keep my promise... *sigh...

but this extra money would really come in handy. i'll be able to give my mom more for cny, buy my dad a shirt (as a token of appreciation for his sponsorship in my hk trip), give my MAE (my car lar) a spray job... and have a little leftover for savings! kekeke... have started to save, put away a tiny percentage of my income into a seperate bank. tho' i think it's still too little and i should be putting away a bigger percentage, but it'll be a good start lar... would work harder next year!

Tuesday, 7 December 2004

pray pray pray...

i've promised a fren that i'd only think abt buying my skating boots if i sell off my digital piano successfully... it's not that i dun THINK abt it everyday... what i mean is consider buying it lar.

then yesterday, a guy named Sam called me to enquire abt my piano (hooray!!!). another fren, J helped me advertised it in the internet and this Sam saw it. but i was really stupid lar... *sigh...

actually, this Sam contacted me months ago; he's looking for a piano for his daughter. at that time, i told him that the piano is going for RM4K (J advertised it for RM4.3k!). so this Sam said he'll have to come down to KL (he's from Penang) to have a look at it b4 making any decision. so i said ok, and would wait for his call to make arrangements for him to view the thing. but he didn't call me again, so i thought he lost interest or has found another piano for his daughter.

after quite some time without anyone showing interest for my advert, i thought maybe the price i quoted is too high (as told to me by some of my frens). so i turun harga n told everyone that i'm letting it go at RM3k.

but yesterday, this Sam called me again and asked if i've sold it. i said no. then he asked me how much would i be selling it... i didn't think and stupidly told him RM3k!!! OMG!!! dem stupid man! can't believe myself!!! my sales skills really sucks, man!

then Sam asked abt the transportation and also expressed his anxiety for the piano, if it'll withstand the journey... when i hesitated (by saying: "erm... transportation ar?..."), he told me that J said the transportation would be no problem (he contacted J first b4 calling me last time. it was J who asked him to call me directly). J is into sourcing n buying n selling, so he has a lot of contacts in that area. last time when i asked him, he said he'll help me arrange everything. but problem is, now J is not to be found! i think he's gone overseas or something... anyway, when Sam mentioned that J said transportation would not be a problem, isn't he implying that i should bear the cost for it?

so i called up the professional piano mover n enquired abt sending the piano up to penang... they said it's abt RM800 per trip, but if i'm willing to wait and share the trip (meaning let my piano share the lorry with other pianos), then it'll be ard RM350-400. shucks!

so now i'm thinking of telling Sam that i memang wanted to let it go at 3k and the reason J put it up for 4.3k was because he said he'll handle all the transportation for me. but now he's not in the country, so i have to handle everything. then maybe ask Sam if he's willing to bear half of the transportation cost with me... hmm... if half of the cost, it's only RM200 mar... dunno if he'll agree...

really really hope this deal will go thru... praying hard!

this is how my 'white elephant' looks like:

Monday, 6 December 2004


hehehe... went to midvalley after work on sat... had sushi for lunch! so nice... then did a little shopping... bought myself 3 books from mph. been so long since i got myself new books... then saw something that's perfect for my good fren, N's birthday. it's a little piggy, really cute n squashy!

well... u can't really tell how cute n squashy it is just by looking at it... u'll have to actually hold it and squeeze it! the outer material is so soft and inside, it's made up of zillions of tiny beanies. so cute!!! i can't help smilling every time i think of it! hehehe... in fact, it's so cute, that i really couldn't resist... so... i erm... i got one for myself too!

kekeke... so happy!
i'm naming mine 'curly', not after that 3 stooges character, but coz it has a really cute n curly tail!

so now tao-tao has a new fren. but my bed is getting way too cluttered! kekeke... there's tao-tao and my hug pillow... and now curly! so happy!

also got a box for the other piggy... should i get some ribbons for it as well? hmm... but her b'day is on the 20th, so long still... can't wait to give it to her!

Saturday, 4 December 2004


i want my skating boots!!! *sigh...

as my regulars here would know, i'm feeling rather restless lately... depressed... lost... been thinking a lot abt what i'm actually doing with my life... but no conclusion... *sigh...

think i'll go to midvalley later n indulge myself a little. it is after all the festive season... hey, i'm not looking for excuses to pamper myself, ok? i've been controlling n depriving myself for so long that i think a reward is quite appropriate.

Friday, 3 December 2004


more yawn!! so sleeeeepppyyyy... been hard at work this whole week, until the wee hours of the night. i'm really behind in my work, so have to catch up lor. so kesian... tgif!

and looking forward to my skating lessons later. hehehe... so happy. it's like the highlight of the week for me. so pathetic hor? *sigh...

neeways, for those wondering if i've gotten my skating boots... the answer is nope. i'm still utilizing the free, uncomfortable and unhygienic skates provided by the rink. *sigh... if only my company is giving us bonus this year... *double sigh... aiya, but even if they're giving, i won't expect too much. *triple sigh...

yep! u guessed it! still down over the bonus thingy... kekekekekee...

Thursday, 2 December 2004

low morale

my clgs n i are predicting that we won't be getting any bonus again this year. *sigh... that's the 2nd year for me, and the 3rd year for my clg. stupid company! it's not like they're not making any profit. that's the worse part! why am i putting up with this? *sigh...

my fren was trying to console me by asking me to look at all the good things abt my company, eg: monthly staff gathering with catered food, company trip, annual dinner, staff incentive... her company, a big name with MSC status in m'sia, gives out 3 types of bonuses every year, with the year-end bonus a fixed 2 months. but they dun have any monthly staff gathering, company trip or even annual dinner, tho' they get better medical benefits. she said if i add up all those things my company is giving us, it's the same as giving us bonus. but can all these justify the absence of bonus? *sigh...

so disheartened...

Tuesday, 30 November 2004


well, the innitial 'high' from my trip has worn off... now back to the grindstone. feeling kinda depressed now. dunno y... maybe it's the fatigue i've been experiencing since i got back from HK, coz have not been getting enuf sleep. or maybe it's the discontentment from my job. or maybe it's a seasonal thing.


Friday, 26 November 2004

no more strangers

i finally get to meet up with my web pal, who is back in m'sia now... i mentioned abt him in my previous blog "t'was the blog b4 HK". so yesterday, we finally met up in midvalley... n he bought me dinner... feel a bit pai-seh lar...

neeways, like online, he's easy to talk to. we can talk abt anything under the sun! n a real nice guy too... too bad we didn't take any photo together, else i can post it here...

Thursday, 25 November 2004

the HK Experience...

i've decided not to post any pics here after all, coz i've posted it all in my multiply, complete with my commentaries... i think i've sent out invitations to all my regulars here to view it in my multiply...

anyway, going to hk is really a new experience for me... really great! n sometimes funny!

one unforgettable experience was when we went into their kopi tiam or 'cha chan teng' as they call it... we were sitting down n looking at the menus when the waitress brought a few glasses of chinese tea. i didn't think much abt it, just bz with the menu, which by the way, is all in chinese... so i think if i'm alone in hk, i'll starve to death! anyway, while we were discussing wat to eat, mom took a glass of tea n was about to drink it when i happen to glance at the table next to us... i saw that they all have their chopsticks sticking out from the tea glasses and suddenly i remembered wat M told me: "never ever drink that glass of tea they put on ur table when u sit down, coz it's for u to wash ur eating utensils!" OMG!!! i quickly grab my mom's tea away from her, when she's just about to sip it! hahahaha... everyone burst out laughing when i told them the use of that tea...

but then again... my hk cousin told us we can drink it if we want to... just don't use it to wash ur utensils and then drink it lar...

anyway, it was great meeting up with my hk uncle, aunty n cousins... they were really hospitable that it made us really pai-seh... they kept bringing us out to expensive restaurants, and food in hk can be REALLY expensive!

and my cousins! they were so nice! they even planned our schedule for us... where to go, where to stay and wat to eat... cousin fei even bought me a bottle of perfume as a parting gift. so pai-seh, didn't get them anything.

both my cousins are really thoughtful lar... when cousin fei brought us to ocean park, he even thought of buying bottles of water from the 7-11 near our hotel, coz he's afraid we'd get thirsty and the water in ocean park is really expensive. he lugged that bag of water bottles (at least 5 bottles i think) all the way to ocean park! and my cousin hsiang, he went to buy me a bottle of cough drops when he saw that i was coughing badly... aww... it'll melt any gal's heart! why aren't there more guys like that ar, instead of all those losers running rampant in kl? *sigh... dunno y, all the guys in my family are so super good... after looking at them, i'll feel discontent if i settle for lesser... anyway, both my hk cousins are available now. hehehehe... any takers?

anyway, hk is a nice place to go for holidays n shopping lar... but i'd think twice (or 3-4 times!) b4 going there to stay... the standard of living there is really high! one bowl of 'dong-sui' (dessert) costs hkd16, which is approx rm8! u can get it for rm2 in m'sia... wat the heck! but their portion is really big. a plate of hkd26 fried fice can last me for 3 meals! it seems like hk ppl eat a lot. but they dun get fat, coz they walk a lot!

and life there is really fast-paced... everyone is like rushing to something... *sigh... kenot tahan lar, if life like that. but their fashion really nice. i almost wished m'sia has 4 seasons, so that i'll get to wear all those nice scarfs n boots! but during the time i was in hk, the weather was very dry... i have cracked lips even tho' i applied loads of lip balm... and now the skin on my hands, legs and face is peeling, even tho' i applied loads of lotion n moisturizers...

didn't really do any shopping in china or hk, coz in china, we were mostly brought to visit those crystal and gem shops... where they intro to u their gems and then ask u to buy... urgh! as for hk, they're all selling winter clothes now, so not really suitable for our m'sian weather...

one more thing abt hk is, their houses r really very small n compact. land there is like gold! and i think hk lists at the top among cities with the highest density of ppl in the world. really 'ppl mountain ppl sea'!

as for china... nothing much to say lar, except that their drivers are really crazy! the traffic lights can go green in both directions, and u'll have to compete with the vehicle from the other direction to see who gets to pass first... dunno what kind of system...

anyway, seeing all the xmas lights in hk made me realize that the year is almost over n helped me reflect on this past year... i think the highlight for this 2004 is my involvement with his-swineness. really a year of roller coaster emotions. to think that at this time last year, i was feeling so happy and up in the clouds. who would have thought it's all a big nasty joke? *sigh... one whole year wasted on him. so stupid n so blind... dunno what i see in him also. well, as the song goes, "shame on u if u fool me once, shame on me if u fool me twice". so i'll seal off my heart to all the selfish losers out there and start looking at super good ppl from now on (if there are any to look at, that is).

Tuesday, 23 November 2004

back to reality...

phew! i'm finally back, after one full week of holidaying n shopping n playing n sight seeing n eating... kekeke... dem tired man! touched down at abt 6pm today (or yesterday, since it's past midnight now), reached home at 8.30pm... just finished unpacking, changing bedsheet, mop floor, washing all 8 days' worth of clothes (still some left in my laundry basket, will wash it on my next laundry day), hanging the clothes, take bath n gongyo... now just clearing my e-mail, coz my housemate told me it's full to exploding point.

neeways... will blog abt my hk n china experience some other time, now too tired. furthermore, i've not downloaded all my pics yet... will include some of the shots i took in this blog. hmm... too bad my bro is not using a digital camera, coz i think he took some pretty good ones too, especially the night scenes. he's really into photography, so his pics will have a higher quality compared to my point n shoot ones... maybe i'll scan some of his that i wanna share here... but that'll take some time coz i'm not sure when i'll be going back to m'ca. too tired to think now. luckily i took an extra day leave tomorrow... so i'll be able to catch up on my sleep! have not had enuf sleep during this whole tour, coz our time was too packed!

my impression of hk briefly is, a lot of ppl, expensive food, saltish food, ppl walking everywhere, big portion of food, everyone speaking cantonese even foreigners (i swear i saw an african speaking cantonese on the phone!), up-to-date fashion...

as for china (shenzhen, zhuhai n chongsan), not really clean, crazy drivers, fake renminbi, ppl talking loudly, loads of ppl...

ok lar... gotta sleep now... can't keep my eyes open di...

Saturday, 13 November 2004

t'was the blog b4 HK...

well, this will be my last blog b4 my much-anticipated trip. hehehe... can’t wait! but i have not even started to pack yet! b4 that, i’ll still have to finish up some work (which i’ve not even started), attend the 2040 performance tomorrow (which PK has so sincerely and bersusah-payah procured the tix for me from other region, coz i missed my own region’s), mop the common area of my apartment (meaning the living n dining area, dry n wet kitchen, balcony n the tiny space between the gate n the wooden door where we put our slippers - it's my turn for duty this week), as well as iron some clothes. now i'm waiting for the washing machine to finish washing my clothes. looks like i'm gonna be pretty bz b4 flying off!

as for my hk trip, initially i was planning to meet up with my web pal, a malaysian working in hk now. we’ve been chatting for years, and i consider him my good online buddy, but somehow or other, we’ve not had the chance to meet. so we thought maybe my trip to hk will present a good opportunity for us to at last meet each other face to face. we even planned to ditch my family members n go for drinks or something. but as it turned out, i’m the one getting ditch! as fate would have it, he’ll be coming back to malaysia the very same week i’m in hk! talk abt bad timing! it’s so funny. so looks like we’ll have to tunduk kepada takdir and remain online buddies till the end of our days! or rather, till disconnection from the internet! neeways, i’ll just dedicate a little paragraph in this blog in his tribute lar! i think he’s a great guy with whom i can really talk to (or TYPE to!), n i must say he's stuck with me thru all my high n low ebbs!
--> hey buddy, if u’re reading this, thanks a lot man, for always being there ‘in my chat list’ n enduring all my sighs!

neeways, i met up with ss today, coz she wanted to 'bomb' me with her wedding invitation card. really nice to see her again, still as pretty as ever! *sigh... how i wish i have her flawless, fair n translucent skin! but then again, my is skin not that bad lar... at least it’s clear of pimples n other skin problems, so i guess i should count my blessing!

anyway, we planned to meet up in midvalley today, but she couldn’t come earlier. so i went there first after work n shopped around while waiting for her. dun worry, ppl! didn’t really buy anything, just a scarf for my mom for the trip (she’s been wanting one). having done my shopping n finished roaming into all my ‘regular hunts’, i was walking aimlessly around the mall n looking at the booths set up in conjunction with the deepavali n hari raya festival, when i happened to see a booth giving henna service! dunno what came over me, maybe it’s the spirit of festivities or something... but i went and got one on my left hand! n i kinda like it! it’ll last for abt 1 week, so i’ll get to show off my henna-ed hand to my hk cousins!

after meeting up with ss, i was feeling kinda restless... so i decided to drive to 1U to get another hair wrap! i’ve been wanting to get one after i took off my last one, so i guess today i really went ahead n did it! i chose blue tones again, but this is different from my last one, in terms of designs n colours.

well, i guess this is a pretty long blog, that’ll last till i come back from my trip! happy holiday!!!

Tuesday, 9 November 2004

first serious fall on the ice...

yeah... it was pretty bad. i was late for lesson last week, coz my coach wanted to combine 2 lessons into one n pushed the lesson time up 1/2 hour (to accomodate the 2 lessons). this was because we canceled the previous week's lesson, due to me being sick. and last week, it had to rain cats and dogs at the time when i'm rushing for my lesson after work. i was late for 15 minutes and the lesson had already begun, so i didn't have the chance to warm-up.

my coach, upon seeing me, straight away asked me to show her my 'One Foot Glide'. i showed her a few bad attempts n she asked me to skate faster so that i'll be able to glide further on one foot. so i listened to her n put in more force into my strokes, but alas... the front part of my right boot (where it's jagged - i've yet to learn the usage of those 'teeths') caught on the ice and i just fell forward. had a pretty nasty cut on my right elbow, coz the ice is very coarse, and a big patch of blue-black on my left knee (no cuts there coz i was wearing long pants). well, my elbow bleed immediately and we had to stop the lesson for one minute for me to stick 2 strips of plaster on them (one was not enough to cover the entire cut). it still aches now, whenever i move my right arm. but worse of all is when it gets wet. then it really stings!!!

Friday, 5 November 2004

online no more...

by that i mean in any messengers... my company has this new policy that banned everyone from using any sort of messengers... first it was msn... then later yesterday, they banned yahoo as well... shucks! what kind of stupid policy is that? and that stupid IT fella... u don't find him so efficient in other things... but when it comes to this, suddenly he's so dem efficient!

i didn't realize how much i've come to rely on messengers. it's not that i chat all the time... it's just that when u see ur friends online, u get this comfy feeling of not being alone, knowing that they are there at just a mouse click away. whether u choose to chat with them is another matter. at least that's how i feel lar. hehehe...

hmm... anyway, my colleague just found a way of going online with msn messenger from the web. so as long as we're connected to the web, we can still msn. hehehe... i wonder if yahoo has a web version as well? but it's very different from the downloaded version... but hey, i should be thankful there's a web version at all n not complain so much! if we're not careful, we may be reduced to just e-mails! *sigh...

Tuesday, 2 November 2004


been sick for the past week... urgh! hate it when i get sick. now i'm back to work, but still having very serious cough. the coughing's been keeping me awake most nights... so sien...

then there's this taste in my mouth, making all food that goes in my mouth tastes funny... *sigh...

Tuesday, 26 October 2004

company convention

been pretty bz with my company convention for the past few weeks... finally the convention is over last sat. here are some of the pics here.

my display team

with GCL, in front of our entrance arch. the 'Display' team double as 'Floor' team later in the night. in other words, acting the role of 'bouncer', walking around looking serious... hehehe...

with CN, the new IT gal. she's the 'Internal Usherette'. leng-lui hor? but i hate standing next to her lar, make me look so short!

looking even shorter with 2 stilt walkers during the pre-event at the foyer, which is of the 'carnival' theme.


yesterday, i got a phone call from a girlfren of mine from f6, telling me that she's getting married. i was so happy to hear from her! i have this bunch of really good frens in f6 and even after we went to uni, we still kept in touch thru e-mails and phone calls... but after a while, the e-mails and calls got less and less, until at last, when we came out to work, we lost touch totally. or maybe i should say, i lost touch with them totally. they're still keeping in contact with each other, maybe coz they went to the same uni, me to another.

sometimes i wonder if they really saw me as how i saw them. i mean, i met them only in f6, coz i'm from another secondary school and they've known each other since the early years of their secondary school. but when i joined them in f6, i THOUGHT we were pretty good frens... i mean, i'm always 'grouped' together with them n am always included in any of their activities.

but after leaving uni, i stopped getting any word from them. occasionally, i'll get news of them from other ex-classmates, so and so has changed her handphone number, and so and so's e-mail address is no longer active. hey, how come i'm getting all these news from other ppl, when they're supposed to be my girlfrens? *sigh...

then i got news that sw got married last year. i was so disappointed at not being invited, or at least told about it, even tho' some of my other ex-classmates were invited. i mean, it's ok if we dun keep in touch that often anymore, due to work n life n other things... but............ *sigh... dunno lar...

my fren, H, was telling me the other day that he has learnt to depend more on himself and less on his frens. u may be very loyal to ur frens, treasuring n trusting the friendship more than anything in the world, but u'll never know how it is from the other side. how true... well, i guess that's life. things are not always what they seem to be.

hmm... on the other hand, i have a bunch of really really good girlfrens, since our primary school days... yep, we've come a long way! we don't keep in touch that often, coz we're like scattered all over the place now, but we do meet up occasionally during festive seasons or chat on the phone or send some e-mails... and even tho' we dun meet up that often anymore, when we do meet up, we just pick up from where we left off. no awkwardness or shyness... really great to have this bunch of frens!

anyway, i'm very very happy when ss called me yesterday. she even went thru the trouble of calling up my parents to get my contact number. at least SHE thought something of our friendship and wish to share her happiness with her long-lost fren! :)

Friday, 22 October 2004


hahaha... been very very bz this whole week, until no time to post in any new blogs... so now that i'm a little bit free, i'll just blog all at one go! kekeke...

neeways, for all who visit me regularly here... after u've finished reading my latest blog, just scroll down and click on the dolphin banner in my side bar... then u'll be brought to a window where they ask u to click on the 'free click to help'. just click lar... it's free and won't cost u any money, maybe just 5 seconds of ur time... imagine, just 5 seconds and u'll be able to help save marine life! anyway, u can only click once a day, so just remember to click whenever u visit, k!

and if u're free, just surf that Care2 site where u can also take actions for the rainforest, big cats, primates, children, pets, breast cancer as well as stop violence! thanks heaps!

my childhood friend

well, reading b's blog make me miss my most fav and best-loved childhood books, the Anne of Green Gables series by Lucy Maud Montgomery... i feel like bringing my whole series of 'anne books' here to read it again, for the nth time!

b, here's wat my AOGG looks like:

i have the Puffin series, who only published until the 6th book, Anne of Ingleside. god knows y they didn't complete the set by publishing the last two: "Rainbow Valley" and "Rilla of Ingleside". or maybe they did publish, but the bookstores here are always running out of stocks... will look for it the next time i'm at the bookstore. i wonder if they still have the same cover version. i'd hate to have the last two books in a different cover version from my previous 6... hmm...

Tuesday, 19 October 2004

over and done with

i think i'm finally healed... i find that i don't think of him that often anymore. even if i do, it's only when i'm comparing him to someone else, and that too, he always ends up the lesser of the two. then i find that my heart don't stop when the phone rings, wondering if it's him, and even when i see his name in the caller id, my heart don't do flip-flops anymore. i also find that i don't keep checking my phone to see if i have any msg or missed calls. and even if there's one, i don't wonder if it's him anymore.

i was chatting with him and mentioned that i'm going to hk next month, so he asked me to help him buy something... but i told him no. part of the reason is coz i'm not converting that much RM to HKD and another part is i don't want it to be an excuse for us to meet. anyway before this, it's always very difficult to say no to doing favours for him. even when i started out saying no, i'll always think of ways to make up later, or try to work something out to accomodate him. but today, i find that i feel fine for rejecting him.

i think, my heart has finally realized that he's not my problem anymore. i dun even like him that much anymore. well, good riddance to bad rubbish! hehehehe...

Monday, 18 October 2004

hate ironing!

urgh! ironed clothes until 3am this morning! crazy man... but then, i started at 12am lar...

hehehe... everyone must be asking, y so many clothes until need 3 hrs to iron??? kekeke... coz it's 3 weeks' worth of working clothes. other than hand-washing, wat i hate most is ironing clothes. so i try not to iron every week... until when i run out of clothes to wear, then iron all at one go!

hmm... but kenot like that lar... can die. will try to iron once a week, or at least twice a week. it's so tiring standing in front of the ironing board for 3 hrs!

or maybe i should get wrinkle-free clothes instead!

Saturday, 16 October 2004

still obsess!

oh gawd... my frens in my skating group all bought their own skates... except for me!!! how depressing! so envy... *sigh...

hey, i'm not kiasu ok??? nothing to do with kiasu-ism here...

Friday, 15 October 2004

HK trip

yay! just got news that we'll be extending our stay in hk for another 3 days... so happy!

innitially, our trip was only for 5D4N and we'll be going to shenzhen n zhuhai as well... making our time in hk too short. so my hk uncle called us, asking us to extend our stay for a few days. then yesterday, dad sms-ed me that he's managed to change our flight back to kl to a later date! so after the tour proper, we'll be staying on for another 3 days in hk on our own. hopefully my cousins will have time to bring us round... can't wait!

and erm... a confession to make. i just blew my plan B over a luggage bag.

Thursday, 14 October 2004

laundry pilling up...

urgh! my washing machine is down for nearly a week now... been trying to get someone to come and fix it, but still can't reach the repair man. hmm... if this goes on longer, i'll need to bring my laundry to the cleaners...

when the washing machine died on us, my housemates immediately went into 'hand-washing mode'... but i tak kuasa lar... call me lazy, but after a long day at work, i can't think of squatting in the toilet hand-washing my clothes. not to mention how time-consuming that would be!

n to think that i used to hand-wash during my uni days... hey, i even hand-wash my jeans back then! crazy hor? now, i get tired even thinking abt it!

Wednesday, 13 October 2004

savings plan B

there wasn't even a plan A! hahahaha...

ok ok... here's my savings plan:
1. can only spend RM10 per day on meals.
- i find that i spend too much on meals. i dun even bat an eyelid when dishing out RM50 for just one meal!!! crazy!!! this has got to stop!

2. write down every sen i spend in a day.
- this will help me see where my money is going... and then cut down on unnecessary things...

3. put aside a fixed amount of money every month
- ...then die-die survive on the remainder after deducting all the expenses.

gotta be more disciplined with my finances... so that i can save enuf money to buy my skates!!! kakakakaka... yep, still obsessed with it!

Tuesday, 12 October 2004


ok, i'm yearning for a pair of skates, so much so that it is now an obsession! gosh... thinking... thinking... thinking... i think abt it night n day, when i'm driving, at work, in the shower,... even in my sleep!!!

n i keep checking my bank account, checking my credit card account... is it worth to blow my savings on a pair of skates? can i pay for it without incuring more debts? urgh!!! it's so frustrating...

all these while, i've been using the skates provided by the rink. but according to my coach, if we wanna think long term, it's better to get our own skates coz it's more comfortable n will help us in our balancing. the skates provided by the rink are of a lower quality and it's for the public, those who just come in to skate for fun. furthermore, owning our own skates will be more hygienic...

but i know if i buy it, loads of ppl will start nagging at me! *sigh...

still thinking........................

Monday, 11 October 2004

dad's the best!

hehehe... i just 'manja' my way into getting dad to sponsor me for our HK trip! kekeke... so happy! and one thing great abt my family is no one's jealous abt it! i mean, bro can always demand that dad sponsor him as well... but he didn't. in fact, mom n bro are very supportive abt the whole thing! ain't my family the greatest? hehehehe...

well, the trip's one whole month away, which means i gotta work really hard till then so that i can afford to take the week off... can't wait!

hehehe... seems like i'm going for lots of vacations this year!


Friday, 8 October 2004

rush rush...

hmm... been pretty quiet here in my blog lately... this has been a really bz week for me... when i was driving to work this morning, i was reflecting abt my week: "wow! so fast friday oredi! where have the week gone?"

i found that i'm constantly rushing... rush to work, rush to RC, rush to ice-skating... but wat i hate most is rushing home to WORK everyday. urgh!!! the end of the day should be a time u look forward to, where u know u'll be going home to relax and unwind. maybe watch some tv or read some book or listen to some music. or maybe on the way back, u'd want to pop into some cafe for some drinks or drop by at ur fren's to exchange some news... but nnnoooooo... i'm forever rushing home to work. wherever i am, whatever i do, at the back of my mind, there's always this nagging voice that keeps reminding me i still have work undone. constant nag nag nag... urgh!!! really hate it!

the only time i'm not rushing is when i'm in the office! now, isn't that an irony??? maybe i should reflect on my job! hahahahahaha...

but with our company's convention round the corner and the magazine at its last stage b4 publication, things are beginning to 'liven' up a little! luckily my boss has yet to demand that i work overtime. if i have to work overtime, then it'll be more rushing for me!!

*sigh... is there NO WAY out of all these?

Monday, 4 October 2004


went for our K convo meet last weekend... glad to see that some of the juniors have really grown (in faith lar...). really happy to b back among them. it really brings back a lot of fond memories of my student days... and being back in the student house always make me miss my doggie :'(

after the meet, went for supper with M and W. had a good talk with them, abt the directions of our careers and life. W seemed to have a very clear objective in life. well, he's always the 'big bro' in our batch, so that's no surprise. as for M, she's resolved to start thinking seriously abt doing her MBA, something she has been putting off for so many years. now, she's really sure that she wants to go into marketing, so she'll look into majoring in marketing for her MBA.

as for me, i'm still blur abt where i'm going. still the lost one. up until now, i've been putting off thinking abt my life, where it's heading, what values am i creating... but now, really have to think abt it. if not, i'll just be drifting along... until one day, i'll realize that i've wasted my life away without achieving anything. i told them that my present job is not what i want to do with my life. i don't want to be doing this thing my whole life. i don't see any value in my current situation. so they asked me what i want. the problem is, i don't know what i want. i just know what i DON'T want.

still on the subject of careers, we touched on the subject of prayers. a lot of leaders told me that i need to have a more specific prayer, to always pray for what you want. but i how can i be specific when i myself don't know what i want? so W told me (very seriously) that my specific prayer would be to have the wisdom to see what i really want. yeah, when i come to think of it, that really makes sense, doesn't it? so stupid to not see that...

so i've given myself a time frame, to search for what i want to do in terms of career. i know that i want to be more involved in gakkai, coz i've been sleeping for so long. but i'm not able to do that coz i'm doing 2 jobs. i really need the extra cash. but at the end of the day, what am i left with? perpetual fatigue, no money, no time, no life. i'm not creating any value with my existance.

sad to say, i've been too caught up in my worldly pursuits, that i've lost sight of many things. that's y i need to go back to my basic point of life: Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. i need to see what is important. here, i'm not saying that earning money is wrong. we're still humans; we need food, clothes, shelter, material stuff... we have our own earthly desires... but in the midst of our pursuits, we need to determine what is valuable and what is not. we can't just follow blindly.
i've been out into the world and seen many things. there are indeed many kinds of people out there. my colleague once said that i'm like a fresh flower, protected in the green house, unaware of all the complexities in the real world. hmm, dunno... maybe she's rite, maybe not. i mean, i know that ppl can be really mean, i know abt the cruelties of life. i'm not ignorant, you know. it's just that i still have faith and hope in the world and in ppl. call me naive, but i believe there is goodness in everyone, no matter how hopeless someone seemed from the outside.
hmm... i'm rambling here. what has this got to do with my career? dunno... just that lately, i've been getting myself more involved in gakkai and seeing the ppl there, their spirit, their whole attitude towards life, it really set me thinking abt a lot of things... abt my life, my career, the ppl around me, society... abt life itself. i must say going back to gakkai, i feel as if i've arrived home. this is where i WANT to belong. pray that i don't go astray again...

Saturday, 2 October 2004

mom is so cool!

hehehe... i told mom abt my latest fad: ice-skating! i was prepared to get an earful from her abt saving money and stuff... but guess what? she only said 'as long as u're happy lorrr'... kekeke... so cool huh? v(^.^)v

but i suspect her 'support' is due to my break up with my X. i told her abt his swineness and she must have been very sakit hati that her 'lil baby kena played out like that. she must have sensed my suffering, even though i didn't show it to her. so now she's very supportive when she knows i'm having fun... excessive spending is better than having my heart broken by some swine rite? kekeke... at least i'm happy :Þ

neeways, bum hurt like hell today... fell down twice on the ice yesterday! hard!!! *sigh... still trying to get used to be on the ice, finding my balance... feel so clumsy! i must go for practice more often...

Wednesday, 29 September 2004

oh really?

i have this fren who insists that if i slim down a little, wear my hair a certain way, put on makeup, get rid of my dark eye circles, i'd look exactly like charlotte from 'sex and the city'... "so sweet.... adorable.... pretty.... and sexy too!" (exactly her words!) hmm... really ar??

what do you all think? ;)

those were the days...

'borrowed' this out from biow's blog... (seemes like i'm always 'borrowing' stuff from her blog! hehehe...)


these are the stuff i made for her in our younger days... with that, i mean in our secondary school days lar... we would see each other for kote' practice practically EVERY sunday, and yet we still write letters to each other. REAL hand-written letters mind u, with real papers n envelopes n stamps n stuff. we even have those really nice letter pads with matching envelopes... hehehe... so we'll include these little-little stuff we made in our letters... hmm... i must go back home n rummage thru my 'treasure box' to look for the stuff she sent me. i'm sure i still have it, coz i'm not the kind to throw away stuff.

that bookmark with the red japanese gal, i even made the 'background' paper myself! i wanted to make it like those store-bought-and-very-expensive recycled paper, with flower petals 'embedded' into it, so i used the 'bunga kertas' (what's that called in english?) from my mom's garden. kekeke... really crazy. *sigh... those were the days without internet (huh?) and paid tv (u mean like those cable tv they have in US?). hahaha... no wonder my school results sucks, with all the time spent making these things!

anyway, i was an avid letter-writer last time... i even had a few pen-pals from australia and germany as well as some local ones. hmm... i think pen-pals are a thing of the past in this age of the internet. what a pity... i even became a stamp collector in the process! hehehehe...

hmm... but now, i've not been hand-making anything for years!! i dun even write letters anymore. the only things i actually send off in the mail are store-bought cards n contest forms... that also, i get the dispatcher in my office to help me send it. fast n convenient! kekeke... :Þ

Tuesday, 28 September 2004


hmm... feeling rather restless now. getting tired with my current job, lost the drive for it oredi. hmmm... could part of it be caused by the embarrassingly low salary? thinking of switching job/career, but where to?? *sigh... so disheartening... nothing interesting in jobstreet. so sien...

Monday, 27 September 2004

my weekend

first, i'm gonna blog abt my first ice-skating lesson on fri... it was so great!! so happy... well, i think i did ok, considering it was my first time on the ice. learned how to glide, swivel forward n backwards, n twist forward n backwards... anyway, i'm still getting used to the ice n skates... but i think i'm gonna love it, tho' not the muscle-ache after that! hopefully it'll help burn some fat off my tush! hehehe...

then on sat, had a gathering with some of my ex-colleagues from my ex-company... there were 7 of us present, only 2 still in that company. anyway, was really happy to see them. had a good time talking n gossiping... hehehe... i'm the youngest in the bunch, some of them nearing their 40s n are mommies already! but age doesn't seem to get in the way, as we had a really good time. it's nice to have a bunch of frens to act silly with sometimes, regardless of the age gap. i tell myself i'm gonna be like that too when i'm nearing my 40s or whatever age... hehehe... be young at heart!

and at night, was the emcee for that talk i mentioned in my previous blog... didn't go that well, tho', stumbled with a few words... was so nervous! hmm... i hope i'll get more opportunity to do it in the future. would love to contribute whatever i can and at the same time, train my public speaking skills (n nerves!).

then on sunday nite (yesterday lar), i went back to uni for our choir reunion... even tho' i dunno most of the juniors, but it's nice to meet some of the seniors... really brings back fond memories of our choir days last time... we joined the juniors in their practice, tho' we really sounded awful, coz have not been singing since leaving uni. but it was fun! hehehe... had some good laugh!

so... that's my happy weekend briefly! but with so many activities going on, i regret to say that i'm behind in my work... *sigh...

new look

have to change the template of my blog to accomodate the doodle (look at the sidebar)... the previous template dun go so well with it... but doodle is really cool!! hehehe...

Friday, 24 September 2004

can i do it?

gosh... tomorrow night i'm gonna be the emcee for the following public lecture, "The Making of Moderate Islam In Malaysia: A Brief Commentary" at our Wisma Kebudayaan Soka Gakkai Malaysia... *shudder*

i've not done any public speaking since leaving uni and anyway, i dun consider the presentations in uni as 'real public speaking'... so basically, this will be my very first!

worse of all, i've not prepared my script yet!! *double shudder*

Monday, 20 September 2004


saw in the paper today abt the 2 teenage boys who were killed in a road accident... these kinda things always evoke in me a sense of unpredictability of life. life can be snuffed out just like that. one minute u'll be sitting here, checking ur e-mail or laughing at something ur frens said, and the next minute, u'll be dead! *poof* just like that... it's pretty scary... but that's life, i guess...

some of the questions i'll ponder sometimes:
1) what if i die today?
2) would my short years as ME made any difference in anyone's life?
3) what would i have left behind?
4) what would ppl say abt me in my eulogy?
5) would anyone (other than my parents n dear ole bro - coz i KNOW they would) actually cry for me?
6) would i have died satisfied, thinking "hey, that was a good life"?
7) would anyone even think of me once in a while after a few years?

sometimes, seeing that life is so unpredictable, we'll realize that some of the things that seemed really important is not such a big deal after all. does it matter if that colleague in the next cubicle is talking way too loudly on the phone? does it matter if ur body is not at its ideal shape n size? does it matter if u can't afford designer clothes all the time? does it matter if u don't get that bloody raise ur boss's been promising u? *sigh...

i mean, on one hand, ppl keep telling u that u need to plan for ur future, for ur future family, children, life, bla bla bla... but on the other hand, while pursuing all these things, have u really lived? i mean REALLY LIVED??? and while we're at it, what does LIVING really means in its actual sense?

life is such a mind-boggling affair...

stargal on ice!

look at the gloves i bought for my ice-skating! that's the nicest i can find; the rest are not so nice... so cute hor? now, dun scold abt my spending!! i'm so excited abt the whole skating thingy, tho' up until now, i've not tried it yet... will blog abt my first experience after my first lesson on fri! :Þ


Sunday, 19 September 2004

thinking of him...

i can't help it ok??? been having dreams of him most nights now... can't seem to escape from thoughts of him... *sigh... i'm going to sleep now. hopefully no more dreams... btw, can anyone go crazy from missing someone?

Thursday, 16 September 2004

a new beginning

well, ever since the break-up, i've been in a turmoil. i must admit that i've been playing with thoughts of getting back together with X. it's really hard to let go... really hard to think that he won't be in my life anymore... that's y i've been holding on... *sigh...

but after some soul searching, i've decided that i don't need this kind of guy to be my bf. i mean, he's not even bf material, for crying out loud! truthfully, he didn't even fit into my 'standard' idea of a bf, let alone the 'ideal' idea of a bf. of all the millions of guys in the world, i have to go and fall for a swine. talk about bad luck! but hey, i don't even believe in luck. talk abt bad karma! 

from now on, i'm saving myself for someone who truly deserves me. someone who is worth my love, who has the conscience and integrity to not betray my trust and take advantage of my love. i should not degrade myself and devalue my self-worth in any way by settling for less. i owe myself this much! 

i took a love test once and found that my strongest point is compromise. well, never again will i compromise myself. i must first and foremost love myself before loving others, so as not to lose myself to unhealthy obsessions and blind love. no one has the right to make me lose myself!

after this realization, i cried buckets again. *sigh... dunno y, the tears just kept flowing... no, i should say pouring... pray that i remain strong n courageous!

Mr Daisaku Ikeda:
But you must never think you are worthless. No one can substitute for you, who are more precious than all the treasures in the world put together. No matter what your present circumstances, you are irreplaceable.
('borrowed' in part from Biow's blog)

Tuesday, 14 September 2004

one of those days...

it's one of those days
when u feel so disheartened
at all the things u wanna do,
and change, but can't

it's one of those days
when u just feel like screaming
but never get it answered

u'll be asking
are all these really important?
where is the value of it all?
never understanding any of it

u'll feel like giving up
just forget about everything
throw it all away
and stop caring anymore

it's one of those days
when u feel so hopeless
so small and minute
in this vast universe

u'll feel so trapped
in this never ending cycle
turning and turning
never breaking free

it's one of those days
when u know u're going crazy
but there's nothing u can do
other than to succumb to it

it's one of those days...