Thursday, 29 December 2005

of dears and darlings

since becoming housemates a long time ago, i have started calling my good friend N as 'ling' and she'll call me as 'dear'. 'ling' is a pet name her family members used on her and also short for 'darling', and 'dear' is... well, dear is just dear.

for anyone who doesn't know us well enough n heard us calling each other such 'endearments', they would think that we're a couple. even N's mom at one time was worried that her daughter might have taken a preference to gals! luckily that misunderstanding was sorted out when N got herself a bf. now even N's younger sister have taken to calling me 'dear' sometimes!

anyway, i don't really mind what ppl think of us. we're just very good friends, period. y let the eyes of narrow minded ppl mar our friendship and make us refrain from showing innocent affection in public?

it's amusing to see ppl's reaction to our hand-holdings and drink-sharings (oh, and the endearment-callings!) it's even more interesting when we're out with N's bf. all 3 of us will be walking hand in hand (with N in the middle, of course).

but sometimes, i do wonder what ppl, esp ppl we know, thought at the sight of us. and i think many orchestra ppl would be wondering at our r/ship too, but too polite or shy to ask!

Sunday, 25 December 2005

happy kk day...

other than xmas, today is also kk's anniversary. during orchestra practice yesterday, saw some kk gals in the dorm... they're staying overnight. and also some outstation kk members as well... i know they're outstation coz they're still wearing the cloth 'nametags' that kl kk members have long ago discarded. hehehe... so cute, seeing them wearing those... brought back lots of sweet memories.

anyway... only found out that they were having a general meet. forgot that the last time was in 2000 and it's a 5 year event.

so sad... coz this time i'm no longer part of them. everytime i think abt this, i'll feel sad. kk is like a part of my childhood. i practically grew up in kk!

i still remember when i made the decision to leave kk... i wrote an e-mail to biow, telling her of my decision, tears flowing down the whole while.


Saturday, 24 December 2005

panic! panic!

up until now, i've still no idea what i wanna buy for the gift exhange tomorrow! *pulling hair*

used up my whole 1.5 hrs of lunch time today, skipping lunch, to walk around suria but still can't find anything! bought the 'stand-by' gifts tho', for those who come without any gift, complete with cute wrappers...


but i've no freaking idea what i wanna buy to represent me! i've thought of taking the easy way, just buying chocolates. it's unisex enough. now tell me who won't appreciate a box of chocolates, huh? but it's so unoriginal. it's like buying a mug or a photo frame... so boring! *sigh...

even tried 'stealing' ideas from ks during our sms-conversation just now. he said he bought a clasical cd. hmm... something to think abt. but i'm not the cd-buying kind. and i dun think most of the ppl would appreciate my brand of music anyway...

*pulling back on thinking cap* how abt buying stuff that i like? it'll be like sharing a part of me with others! BUT most of the things that i like are cute stuff... what if a guy got it?? deco stuff? so unpractical...

think i need to do another round of walking ard the shopping mall for inspiration. but midvalley on xmas eve??? *shudder* should i sacrifice my beauty sleep to beat the crowd by going there at 10am?

Friday, 23 December 2005

'tis the season to be jolly...

tra la la la la..... nothing lar. juz wanna put up some christmas deco here...



will be stuck in KL this xmas, coz have practice n rehearsals for 1st jan performance. but it's ok lar, can do my own stuff here... oh, and gco will be having a small christmas celebration after prac on sat! i helped a bit in the planning... hehehe...

here's wishing everyone good cheer n joy this yuletide season!

Thursday, 15 December 2005

new look

finally had my hair cut and highlighted...

new hair

new hair

Wednesday, 14 December 2005


these were taken by bro. pretty good, ain't it?





more of his works can be viewed
here, tho' some were taken by me. he just touched them up a little, reduced the 'noises' (a photography term he's drummed into me) and whatnot. oh, and i just discovered that i was a 'model' in one of his pics! :Þ

Tuesday, 13 December 2005


The rain continues to pour, and in a way, she is grateful for it. At least no one will notice the tears, now running down her face in earnest.

Her feet moving on its own accord, she stares unseeingly ahead into the rain, oblivious to her clinging clothes and stringy wet hair pasted on her forehead. At one point, a man with an umbrella offers to walk her but she pretended not to hear him and walks off as if in a trance. She turns into a quiet sidestreet to get away from all the people.

His voice still ringing in her ears, their conversation plays over and over in her head. Once again, he’s stood her up. She’s lost count of how many times he’s done that to her. This time, he didn’t even try to make up a more valid excuse nor did he care that she’s stranded at some place in the middle of the night.

“Are you on your way back?” That’s all the message he cared to send, after she rejected his call. If anything happens to her, she hopes he’ll regret treating her like a piece of rag. She hopes something DOES happen to her. Images of her mangled body lying in the monsoon drain played before her eyes, or her unrecognizable face looking out from the bloody gauze cloth covering her whole head at the hospital. Would that be enough to call forth remorse and guilt from within him?

From behind her, the headlights of a car illuminate the stretch of road in front of her as it approaches. She hears it slowing down and moments later, it draws up beside her. A bunch of rowdy guys, all with a bottle of beer in their hands, lean out the window to offer her a ride. She hesitates, but for just a moment. Then she reaches for a beer bottle from one of the guys and climbs into the back seat.

Sunday, 11 December 2005

juz ard the corner

christmas lar... but this year, dun really feel the xmas mood. even suria klcc is using the same deco for the hari raya/deepavali celebrations. cutting cost??

was planning to go to s'pore with cousins, maybe 1 week b4 xmas, just to suck in the mood on orchard rd. but plans have been scrapped to save for hk trip next year. so have to just spend a boring xmas/new year here... wonder if i'll be invited to any xmas party this year? but since xmas eve is on a sat nite, most prob i'll be at orchestra practice. wonder if we can whip up a tiny celebration after prac juz for the sheer fun of it, with give exchange n some carolling? should i suggest???

Saturday, 10 December 2005


is it very foolish to go on holding steadfast the beliefs that there are still righteousness, compassion, conscience, love, justice etc left in this world, and be smacked again and again in the face by the harsh realities of life? or would it be better to just let go of any hope for humankind, and enjoy the satisfaction (albeit a bitter one) that we've been right all along while standing amidst the rubble of our own destruction?

the longer i live, the more ugliness i see in ppl... am beginning to loose confidence in the species. it is so hard to keep our convictions untouched when all the ugliness are kept being thrown at us. sometimes, it's so overwhelming that i just want to scream and scream, until it all go away.

is there any goodness left?

Tuesday, 6 December 2005

on shoes...

someone told me once that looking for a partner is like shopping for shoes. first, we'll look for the pattern and colour that we like. meaning we'll notice its appearance first. then we'll try it on... is it comfortable? does it look good on us? does it go with the clothes we have in mind? then we'll consider the price. if it's worth it, if we think what we're buying is value for our money, then we'll dish out the moolah quite readily. but if after making the purchase, we found out that it eats into our feet and gives us blisters, of course we'll discard it and go buy a new pair!

but in certain cases, we'll feel reluctant to discard it, coz we really like the colour or whatever that attracts us to it in the first place, or maybe we've paid a lot for it that throwing it away seems like a big waste... whatever the reason, sometimes we still continue to wear it even tho' it's making us miserable...

hmm... a clever analogy, don't u think?

but y is it that everytime i find a nice pair of shoes, shoes that's so comfy and nice that it seemed tailor-made specially for me, i must face the disappointment that it's already someone else's? am i destined to go barefoot then? how far can one walk without a good n reliable pair of shoes?

Monday, 5 December 2005

Music Fest

some pics taken on the 2nd day of the fest. here's me in action...

after finale, listening to congratulatory messages...

after the fest, with some gco gals...
GCO gals

gco gals

Tuesday, 29 November 2005

now what?

so i've studied, so i've graduated, so i've found a job... and then what?

been so listless lately... can't see where i'm going from here. what am i doing here? what's in store for me? what's the meaning of all these??? dun even have the mood to blog anymore...

beginning to drag my feet to work now. partly it's due to the 8am clocking-in time... but am beginning to hate the nature of the job. not so much the core tasks, but those 'additional' stuff that's being pushed my way. multitask my *ss!


Tuesday, 22 November 2005

maybe u know...

was just doing some housekeeping in my e-mail folders when i came across this e-mail between bro and i, dated somewhere in feb 2001. the subject title is as above.


stargal wrote:
hey, pk n i were just chatting one night (into the wee hours), when dunno how come i came to the subject of our little brother... remember him? so i told her the tragedy, how it happened n all... i know we had not mentioned it for a long time, but i still think of him sometimes... how different things will be if he's still around. that night with pk, it occured to me that i don't know what happened to his remains... maybe u know, coz u were older. i was too young to remember the details, n anyway mom left me with 'poh-poh', so i don't exactly know what happened. did u go to the funeral? was he buried, or cremated? if buried, where? if cremated, what happened to his ashes? also, it occured to me that i had already lost one brother, i can't afford to lose another. so be careful in whatever u do, ok?

bro wrote:
Yeah.... now u remind me.... the only thing I remember was u, Poh Poh and I went to the hospital morque where he lay in the casket. I dun really know what happened after that after we took a bus back to Mata Kuching. Now that u ask me, I am also wondering........ could it have something to do with the green plaque placed at the butsudan? Maybe his ashes were scattered at sea. I really do think the plaque is really the only connection we have with him. Oh, well, if he's still around, most probably he'll be entering Uni this year....... if he never got that JPA scholarship in F5......

I can sense u are getting really melancholic aren't u? I feel the same way bout u - u take care too.

P/s - u will forget everything bout me when u find some guy to fall in love with.... :) So, what the heck are u waiting for?

stargal wrote:
eh, don't say like that leh... u will always be my favourite bro (not that i have any other choice! ahahaha...)

phone converstation with bro

bro: hey, did FaMa call u?
stargal: no wor.
bro: hmp, they've been gone for almost one week and not even a phone call home.
stargal: they didn't call u too?
bro: no lar. VERY irresponsible huh?


*note: parents on holiday in shanghai now.

Monday, 21 November 2005

sudden inspiration...

as i was on my way to the lrt station this morning, i suddenly went *ding* with an inspiration! hehehe... i can print out copies of flyers that said: "THE WORLD IS NOISY ENOUGH AS IT IS NOW WITHOUT THE LIKES OF YOU CONTRIBUTING FURTHER TO THE NOISE POLUTION!!", and whenever i see a car with exhaust pipe (hole) larger than a 50 sen coin, i'll stick one on the windshield wiper! or if the car is moving, i'll flag it down frantically (as if i have something very VERY important to tell them) and just coolly hand one to the driver! ingenious or what? *grin*

on a more serious note, i think the gov should impose a ban on such a stupid thing! and the penalty for having an exhaust pipe larger (and noisier) than the gov-accepted one? to have the offender's leg stuffed into the said exhaust pipe for a full 24 hours! what are those drivers trying to prove with their dinosaur-sounding exhaust anyway? *rolling eyes*

Tuesday, 15 November 2005

next planned holiday

well, it's not exactly a holiday... just a trip really, and only for the weekends.

hk cousin getting married early next year, so the whole family will be flying over to attend it. still thinking if i wanna go, coz will only be there for 3 days (including the traveling days!). worth it?

but wanna see how weddings in hk are like... i guess i can always extend my stay, but have to think abt (limited) funds...

wonder if H will be willing to let me tumpang at his place? kekeke...

Monday, 14 November 2005

orchestral weekends...

looks like i'm being very occupied with gco (Galactic Chamber Orchestra) nowadays, which is a good thing. at least i'm back in the cultural group and 'reconnecting' myself with gakkai. after leaving bbkk (Brass Band & Kotekitai), i always feel 'disconnected' from gakkai even tho' i still attend the occasional discussion meetings and ywd (Young Women Division) activities in my chapter/region. i always miss the bonds and comradeship felt so strongly during our kk training days...

now, even tho i've yet to really feel the strong bonds of comradeship with the gco members, which i think can only be forged with time, at least i'm enjoying the practices and the company (and the music!). i've found again the desire to better myself and improve my skills.

anyway, weekends have been (and will be) very bz these days, as we're preparing for our music fest in early dec, practices on thurs & sat, and rehearsals on sun. it'll be my first performance (as a cellist) on the stage in IPA! but gosh, our performance piece is so difficult! composed by Yamamoto san, it's very 'japanese' feel... not many ppl will know how to appreciate it, esp non-members, as it depicts Ikeda Sensei's journey in worldwide kosen-rufu. praying for it's success!

on a totally unrelated matter... am pissed with someone. last time, when i was in kk, i have a nickname among the percussionists ---> puppy. it's sorta like a form of endearment between the gals (at least that's what i think!!!). anyway, since i started going for gco practices, i've been bumping into many old friends from bbkk. one of them is sc, now a 'big sister' among the percussionists. and whenever i bump into her, she'll take the 'puppy' nickname literally! when i call out to her, she'll say things like, "oh it's u. i was wondering which dog is barking madly", or whenever she sees me, she'll make some 'tsk, tsk, tsk' sound (like we always do when trying to get an animal's attention). yesterday, she even pointed me out to her friends, "look, there's a dog over there". urgh!!! how very "sensitive" of her! and we (the older gals) were juz commenting on how the young 'uns are getting to be big gals di! *rolling eyes*

Monday, 7 November 2005

cello debut

it was just a small recital actually, nothing big. so there's not too much pressure and it's good exposure for me. overall, it went ok, i think.

anyway, i looked so serious in the pic. hahaha... concentrating on every note! but i'm always looking serious when i'm not smiling. *mental note to self: must remember to smile in my next performance.

Sunday, 6 November 2005

makan trip @ m'ca

one of the places we 'terserempak' in between our makan was the 'Cheng Ho Culture Museum'. didn't even know such a place existed. it's made up of a few (3, i think) pre-war houses on the street adjacent to jonker street (same row as the first Orang Utan shop). nothing much in there, but was charged a cut-throat RM10 per person! found out one interesting fact, tho': the admiral was actually a eunuch, but has descendants in thailand... now how is that?

puppet show about cheng ho's life and death

cheng ho's junk said to be 17 times (if i remember correctly) bigger than marco polo's ship

some other shots taken from the CHCM

m'ca river... been so long since i last went there. didn't know it became so nice (the river bank, at least)
m'ca river

and finally, the one and only pic of the food we ate! baba cendol... it's all self-service. we were sitting at the table for a full 10 min, wondering when will anyone come to take our orders, when we saw other customers walking into the shop holding trays and bowls of the dessert. dunno what's that shop's name, but it's on jonker street and apparently is very popular, despite the interior of the shop smelling of rat pooh.

Friday, 28 October 2005


have not been blogging much lately... feeling pretty down in the dumps. dunno y, been questioning abt a lot of things in my life, its purposes and meanings...

neeways, off to a long weekend back home, tho' would need to come back to work on wed. *sigh...

here's a list of things to look forward to in the short-term:

1) niece's (cousin's daughter, actually. i call cousin 'che-che', so niece calls me 'ah yee') wedding. can't wait to get together with all the cousins for a good round of gossip and fun!

2) housemates coming down for a one day makan trip. so i'm the official guide... guess i'll be bringing them to the usuals... satay celup, ikan bakar, o-chien (fried oyster), cendol and the likes... have the makan part pretty much covered. now just headache abt the time in between makan. where to bring them??? takkan bring them to see the graves in A'Famosa (the old fort, NOT the golf resort). and it's not like it'll be their first time in m'ca. all the places worth seeing, they've seen it.

3) be a lazy babi at home

4) my first orchestra performance as a cellist next week (i swear i'm not ready, but KK insisted)

well, that's abt it. will be driving home after skating lessons tonight... so now just psyching myself up to face the massive jam later. hope i dun arrive after midnight! *shudder*

p/s: is it considered too much to be bringing back 5 pairs of shoes (not including the one wearing on feet) for a 4 day trip back home? well, one pair will be my skates, so that shouldn't count... still, 4 pairs for 4 days! think i better leave them in the car lest be given weird looks by the family! :Þ

Friday, 21 October 2005

a midnight trip down memory lane...

came back from orchestra prac feeling hungry yesterday, so cajoled my housemates into going out for supper with me. was craving for maggi goreng and milo ais... at first they didn't want to, suggesting that i make my own milo ais. but i argued that homemade milo ais is nowhere near the mamak stall's milo ais. so in the end, managed to whet their appetites for a mamak supper!

then came the discussion on where to go. housemates claimed that the mamak stalls at our area are nothing to shout about. and that led to a 'yummy mamak food' discussion, which in turn led to us talking about our 'mamak days' during uni. so in a flash of insanity, we decided to drive all the way to bangi to visit our old mamak haunts!

well, a lot has changed since we left uni. a lot of makan/hangout place has sprung up. but then again, of course it'd have changed! one can't expect a place to remain unchanged after so many (not that many lar... just a few) years, especially a place in the vicinity of a university with loads of young ppl.

it was really nice going back there. brought back a lot of fond memories. for a little while, we could even make believe that we're students again, out for a midnight chow before going back to our dormitry to continue our studies/assignment/group discussions... had a great time reminiscing about the 'good ole days'. *sigh...

but all too soon, reality beckons... and we had to untangle ourselves from the webs of our past to step thru the vortex into the present.

Monday, 17 October 2005

introverted sensing feeling perceiving

was inspired by fellow-blogger Spot to take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test and one of the things mentioned in the result reminded me of my first year of primary school.

"Organized education is difficult for the majority of ISFPs, and many drop out before finishing secondary education. Their interest can be held better through experiential learning, at which many excel."

i have just started standard 1 and everything was rosy and well. at least that's what i thought... until one day when mrs S suddenly asked to see my father! i was so puzzled... y ar? when dad went to see mrs S, she unloaded all sort of complaints on him - i didn't do my homework lah, i talked in class lah, i didn't pay attention to lessons lah, always daydreaming lah... i was so shocked coz i didn't know i was all that! i mean, mrs S didn't admonish me for those things before this. so of course i didn't know lar... well, dad blew his top when we got home, vowing to pay more attention to my school work from then on.

now thinking back (and after doing that personality test), i realize that i'm just different from other kids. what would have been efficient tutoring for other kids do not apply to me. i know i'm not stupid or anything. heck, i even scored highest in class for maths one semester exam (in std 2, i think), much to the chagrin of the 'smartest' gal in class (and to my own astonishment!).

i guess when i first started proper school, i didn't really understand the concept of the whole thing (despite a somewhat successful year at kindergarten). and i know it's a bit daft to be saying this, but no one really explain to me what i'm supposed to do in class! so most of the time, i'm more preoccupied in 'socialising', talking to the oh-so-many playmates in my class and just dreaming the time away! i must be a really blur kid then! it's really a wonder that i got thru university at all! :Þ

well, things got better after that meeting between mrs S and dad. at least it helped me understand the purpose of that person with the long pembaris kayu rambling at the front! but i realize that all thru my schooling years, i've no much use for those rambling ppl in front. i'm not really the type for classroom learning. even in university, i'd fall asleep in most lectures (unless they're really interesting), but thrived during heated tutorial discussions.

if only they have such personality tests for us all those years ago... then all my 'hidden' potentials would be tapped in a more proper manner and i'd turn out differently? but thank god i didn't drop out of sec school!

Friday, 14 October 2005

during cello lesson...

kk: wow, i'm really impressed! u're a fast learner.
stargal: :Þ no lar. i still can't recognise the name of the notes. so difficult to switch from reading treble clef to bass clef.
kk: yeah, i guess it's a little difficult. but u can still play wat...
stargal: i cheated. i just recognise the fingering for each note.
kk: there's no such thing as cheating in playing music. how i wish all my students are like u.
stargal: *blush*
kk: do u want to go for the abrsm practical exam next year? u can try grade 3.
stargal: har?? erm... i think it's still too early to think abt that now lar. hehe...

Thursday, 13 October 2005

weekend at the doorstep

finally managed to slug through the first 3 days of the week... so tiring. but didn't really do much this week. dunno y still so tired. mentally and emotionally exhausted?

lately, find myself with no drive to do anything. it's not that i have nothing to do. in fact, i have loads to do and wish i have more time for all the things i wanna do! but now just no drive to do them.

but oh, it's thursday already! and my week always starts on thurs evenings... which tends to zoom past in a flash and before i know anything, it's sunday evening again and i'll be rushing to finish up my work while mentally working out my time to see if i have any left to iron clothes. *sigh...

so tired...

Tuesday, 11 October 2005


recently, mom had the house renovated. well, it was a good thing on a whole, coz now mom has a bigger kitchen and we have an extra room at the back for guests, as well as a proper store room for dad to keep all his knick-knacks.

but for me, it gave an alienation kind of feeling... coz now it doesn't feel like my home anymore, the home i grew up in. now everytime i go home, i feel more like a guest. i don't even have my own set of house keys! and i'll need to ask mom where she keeps the eating utensils, bedsheets, etc. heck, i don't even have my own room anymore! mom has converted it into a 'spare' room and even cleared out my wardrobe to make way for all the extra pillows and blankets for guests. *sigh...

and dad has made my cactus collection his own, which he'll proudly draw my attention to how well they're growing whenever i balik kampung. he claimed that he tended this little bulb of a cacti (i remember naming it 'obelix') into a big gigantic green blob by talking to it! *raised eyebrows*

ah well... guess i should count my blessings that they didn't throw out any of my stuff, save giving away some of my old clothes. this is how it is when we leave the nest...

Friday, 7 October 2005


...again. i know i've moved a lot of times, but just bear with me... and dun ask y! :Þ

anyway, if u're wondering at my choice of url, it's the first piece of cello music i got from the orchestra, and also the first piece that i actually sat down and went thru together with them during combined prac. of course, there's the different movements, but if wanna include those, then the url will get too long!

Wednesday, 5 October 2005

of late...

have been unwell and croaky-voiced for the past week... that could be the reason for all the other emotions that arose from trifling matters. on days like this, one would wish to just curl up under the blanket and sleep it all away. but alas, the wicked and cruel stepmother that is life would not condone it.

Thursday, 29 September 2005

birds of a feather...

well, contrary to the famous proverb, i believe that ppl in a group tend to influence one another to act/think alike. but of course, we'll need to click with one another to allow us to be in a group in the first place. so is this a chicken and egg thing? dun think so...

being good friends with N has influenced me to go for certain brands of clothing of certain style, think in a certain way on some issues, like certain stuff, eat certain food, etc... of course, there are some things which can't be influenced to my preference, such as those pointy buaya shoes that seems to be so 'in' now, or clothes in bright shout-out colours!

on my part, i think my biggest influence on N is the love to read. being chinese educated, N tends to find reading english books a bit of a chore. so i got her started on true life accounts, mainly on chinese ppl. the first book i intro to her was Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah. after that, it wasn't hard to get her to go on reading, coz she was hooked! soon, she's 'graduated' to reading tales of women in the middle east and real police murder cases. now, she's even started to recommend books to me! but she only wants to stick to true life accounts... and for a bookworm who devours most of everything, life is pretty lonely beyond the non-fiction aisle.

along with reading, N has started to be more appreciative of the english language. she loves to use words she's just acquired such as brusque instead of blunt, enquire instead of ask etc and will bug me to death with words which she's just learnt but has forgotten.
N: what's that word for dun care?
me: huh? erm... unconcerned?
N: no no... non- something.
me: erm... indifference?
N: nolar, that's in-. non-something... as in 'he gave a non-something shrug'
me: *furrowed eye-brows, thinking hard* erm... nonchalant?
N: yes, that's it! *proceeds to make different sentences with the word*

she'll also be very curious about some phrases, wanting to know y it's used in a certain way.
N: y 'from the bottom of my pencil case'?? i dun understand...
me: erm... i also dunno lar. that's just the way the english say it.
N: i know, but y? the only things at the bottom of my pencil case are pencil shavings and paper clips and broken pencil leads. y not just say 'from the bottom of my heart'?
me: *looking helpless*

just yesterday, had a leaning-on-the-wall laugh (coz it was in a shopping mall, can't have a rolling-on-the-floor laugh) when N exclaimed rather loudly, "aiyo, these earings here... not the cup of my tea lah!"

Sunday, 25 September 2005

found again

it was lost
and i mourned
regret that it should be so
regret that i should lose it

it was not my doing
it just got lost
i'm sorry
and i cried

maybe i didn't want to find it
maybe i was glad
to savour the loss
to wallow in self-pity

never thought i'd feel it again
never thought it'd come back
but it crept up on me again
tho' i never wanted it to

the stomach flip-flops
of sweet anticipation
the anxiety of uncertainties
am wiser now

it's back
tho' different
still the same
but will it stay?

Friday, 23 September 2005

fire drill

have not experienced a fire drill since i joined this company, so gotta admit it was kinda exciting this morning, coz they really do it big around here. but too bad, i was having a departmental breakfast meeting at starbucks at the time, so i missed the 'panic' of walking down the stairs! *phew*

anyway, i must say this is the biggest fire drill i've ever experienced in terms of scale. firefighters, police squads and ambulances, not to mention safety officers and first aid teams were everywhere! and the people! i think we filled up 1/2 of the KLCC park... well, that's not really surprising, coz it involved all 5k or so staff from both towers. but i bet we created quite a sensation among shoppers in the Suria coz i was approached by 2 ppl, asking me what happened (maybe coz i was holding the placard showing my tower and level on the way back to the office) kekeke... neeways, everything went in quite an organized way, with everyone knowing what they were doing and the rest of us being steered like obedient sheeps to our own designated spots. well, luckily it wasn't particularly sunny today, tho' we still sweated like pigs despite all the mineral water distributed.

Tuesday, 20 September 2005

just so stuff...

too lazy to think in paragraph, so here are things in point form:

1. tired from training whole day yesterday n today. tomorrow another day! *groan*
2. left hand finger tips numb from cello playing, while right arm sore from bow pulling and getting the pressure n angles right
3. getting way too many sms from K... a bit fishy...
4. waiting anxiously for payday (and it's only middle of the month!)
5. still spooked out by Henry in 'Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan'. *note: those with astro, look out for it in HBO the next few days (not sure what day). really spooky!
6. dread going back to work on thurs - m sure will have mountains of work waiting...
7. what to wear tomorrow? looks like time to bring out the damned iron...
8. working out the best time for cello practice so as not to provoke annoyed neighbours from making complains to management/throwing rotten eggs at my front door

Friday, 16 September 2005

new toy...

stargal: meet the new cellist in town! orchestra practice tonight.
N: wow... but u sure that's what u want? u thought about it properly already?
stargal: i want it so badly i could cry.
N: ok, if that's what u really want, ganbatte! learn/practice hard, then one day we can do a duet!
stargal: haha... yeah, one day... u ganbatte too! i dun like to duet with poor violinists wan... :Þ

Monday, 12 September 2005

points to ponder

life sucks anyway
think of it, no one gets out alive
everybody dies in the end...
~ a friend

Thursday, 8 September 2005

broken pieces

yesterday, you reinforced my conviction
i really mean nothing to you
however much i wanted to hurt you with my words
i know it's all useless against the unfeeling you
you talked about forgiveness
but i can never feel that for you
i'm only human
i'm more a believer of karma
the unforgiving law of cause and effect
be sure of it, it'll come back to you eventually
what goes around, comes around
i'm just dying with impatience
for the divine intervention to manifest itself upon you
pray i'll be there to witness it
but you want to talk about Jesus Christ?
i can talk Jesus Christ with you
even He would not forgive a sinner who do not repent
they only burn in hell
just saying sorry doesn't mean you're sorry
and i'm only human
or maybe you want to see it scientifically?
ask Albert and he'll tell you:
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"
do not compare me to her
i am who i am
i feel differently from her
i love differently from her
i hate differently from her
and what affected me, affected me differently from her
if i am just like her, i'd be her clone
i'm sure even her twin is not exactly like her
so do not look at me with the same eye as you do her
yes, i have my expectations
what is so wrong in having expectations?
what is so wrong in hoping?
what is so wrong in living passionately?
what is so wrong in putting our whole heart into it?
yes, we fall harder
but the view while soaring is spectacular
would it suffice to just lead a mediocre life?
missing the highs in our effort to avoid the lows?
and yes, i'm weak
but that is not your problem anymore
i would never let you off the hook
in believing that everything's ok in the end
or the harm you did wasn't all that bad
can something broken be whole again?
i will always hold it against you
you owe it to me
this life and the next
lifetime after lifetime
remember this to your dying day
- you ruined me

Wednesday, 7 September 2005

The Rainbow Connection

got this from t... nice song! amazing how a children's prog can be so educational even for adults...


Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell.
We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
~ The Rainbow Connection, sang by Kermit the Frog

Tuesday, 6 September 2005


that was my stomach... counting the seconds to lunch! urgh... y must lunch be at 1pm? a bit stupid, clock-in time at 8 and lunch time at 1 - early breakfast n late lunch. but it's not like lunch is anything to look forward to... today it's bee hoon goreng sejuk. but what to do, it's only RM1. so kenot complain too much. 1 more hour to go. think will munch on biscuits...

Sunday, 4 September 2005

weekend meet-ups

met up with some strangers this weekend. hehehe... strangers, but good friends! been chatting with YH for nearly 4 years, and so far, met only twice (including the past weekend). as for T, she was a friend of YH and he started us off with chatting, then when my ex-company banned messengers, we moved on to e-mails and sms. have not met T in our 2 years plus of communication... so when YH said he'll be home (from HK), we thought it'll be a good idea to meet up. hmm... it was a bit kekok, but i guess that's how it is with first meetings...

T turned out to be quite a leng-lui!


on sunday, went to have lunch with my ex-boss from my first company, a japanese. he's always coming here for vacation every year around this time. this really cute 'sweeties' is from him, came in a really nice japanese box!

Thursday, 1 September 2005

can't sit still

it's confirmed! i can never make a good housewife. i'm too restless to be able to sit at home with only house cleaning, cooking and hongkong/japanese/korean drama series to occupy my time. and i dun even cook!

take my weekends... even tho' i've so much to do on weekends, stuff that i normally won't have time for on weekdays such as sleep, clean room/house, iron clothes, clock in more freelance work etc, still i'm always itching to go out! and then after coming back, i'd realized (only too late) that i've not enough time for my chores and will wallow in self-pity and wish that i have spent more time at home. *sigh...

and i think if i were to work from home, i'd only get lazy. with no official working time, i'd most prob wake up at 12 and sleep at 5am! (*note to self: think of this point when waking up for work everyday, instead of cursing the management for setting the clock-in time so early)

hmm... so guess i'll be stuck in the rat race for the rest of my life. unless of course, i marry a really filthy rich husband. then i won't have to go to work OR stay at home the whole day. i'll be on shopping sprees all over the world! kekeke... *dreaming*

anyway, thinking of taking up music again, coz have been... well, restless. and have always regretted not following thru with the various instruments i've taken up in the past. hmm... what shall i play this time? have always liked the cello............ *thinking*

Wednesday, 31 August 2005

we're 48 today

so, merdeka is here again... saw some traces of fireworks from my bedroom window just now. even at 1am now, the atmosphere outside is really lively, with shoutings, laughings and the occasional firecrackers. must be kids from the nearby college. anyway, am questionning (in my mind) the government about the fireworks display, after the haze situation just mere weeks ago.

anyway, thank god tomorrow's a holiday. will most probably be catching up on my sleep. biological clock gone haywire. slept at 4am on sunday (technically monday morn) coz just can't bl**dy fall asleep! and yesterday (monday), had to finish up a long-overdue piece of work, by hook or by crook. stayed up till 3am to get it done and e-mailed out. so basically, only slept for 2 hours on sunday and 3 hours on monday. gosh, am so panda-eyed that it's a wonder the zoo authorities didn't come get me!

oh, and i got some bad news about my doggie (or rather, ex-doggie, coz i gave her away to a friend few years back when i moved to this apartment). on sat, i drove my friend N for her dental appointment and since we were in the area, we thought maybe we'd drop by to pay Niji a visit. when we got to the house and my friend came out to greet us, we expected to see Niji ('rainbow' in japanese) bounding out after her. but there was no sign of her, only Tao-Tao, Niji's son, who barked at us. so we ask LP. her reply was, "oh, Niji no more oredi loh!" gosh, my heart immediately went 'duk' into the pits of my stomach! after more questions, we learned that Niji has not died, but was kidnapped!

about 2 months back, after bathing Niji and Tao-Tao, LP left them out in the porch to be dried under the sun. and as usual, the 2 rascals escaped the confines of the gate and fence for some frolic outside. LP wasn't worried as they're always doing that and will come back eventually after a satisfying 'freedom run' around the neighbourhood. but that day, only Tao-Tao came back, sitting outside the gate waiting to be let in. no sign of Niji. i forgot to ask LP if they went out to search for her... after leaving LP's house, N and i discussed about it and came to the conclusion that her kidnapper couldn't have been from the area, as if they were, Niji would surely find a way to escape and make her way home (she's such an 'escapist'!). and we're nearly sure that she's been kidnapped, coz she just had her bath and would surely look all white and fluffy. also, she has always been a friendly doggie, due to the fact that she was brought up in a student house, with lots of ppl coming and going around her. so it'll be so easy to lure her into a waiting car. LP said she dun even bark at strangers who came to the house, unlike the fiercer Tao-Tao. of couse, there's always this nagging thought at the back of my mind that she could've been knocked down by a car or ended up as a meal for some foreigners. just pray that she's really been kidnapped, for her cuteness and not for her meat, and that her new owners treat her good. *sob*sob*

my baby, at 3 months old...

still have her pic in my room

Thursday, 25 August 2005


in anticipation to payday tomorrow, i used up the last of my ringgit to buy myself this Salmon Chirashi set for dinner! ah, oishi ne... am satisfied!

gochisou sama deshitaaaaa!! but something's missing. can anyone guess what was that one single thing that would have made this meal complete?

and so, these are all that i have left...

guess now is a good time to work on my claims. but oh shucks! my manager is away and will only come back thurs next week! who's gonna sign for me??? hmm... and so, the moral of the story is: always make sure ur boss is around if u plan to get broke!

Wednesday, 24 August 2005


I remember quite clearly now when this story happened
The autumn leaves were floating and measured down to the ground
Recovering the lake where we used to swim like children
On the sun dare to shine
That time, we used to be happy
Well, I thought we were
But the truth was that - you had been longing to leave me
Not daring to tell me
On that precious night, watching the lake, vaguely conscious
You said: Our story was ending.

Now I'm standing here
No one to wipe away my tears
No one to keep me warm
And no one to walk along with
No one to make me feel
No one to make me whole
Oh! What am I to do?

I'm standing here alone
It doesn't seem so clear to me
What am I supposed to do about this burning heart of mine
Oh! What am I to do?
Or how should I react?
Oh! Tell me please!

The rain was killing the last days of summer
You had been killing my last breath of love
Since a long time ago...
I still don't think I'm gonna make it through another love story
You took it all away from me
And there I stand,
I knew I was gonna be the...
The one left behind
But still I'm watching the lake, vaguely conscious
And I know -
My life is ending.
~ Story, Viktor Lazlo 1986


heard this on the radio the other day. it sounded so sad that i cried. sitting there on the floor next to the radio, my tears just kept flowing. even after the song has finished, i'm still crying, long and hard (and loud!). the tune, the wordings, the tone of voice... they seemed to open up my old wounds (that was never really healed) and just let the tears wash over it. and my heart bleeds all over again. this Story is just like my story. *sigh...

thinking back, come 31st august will be exactly one year i've been blogging, and also exactly one year since the incident that prompted my blogging. one year since my heart was torn open cruely, leaving a gaping wound that wouldn't heal. one year since i truly understand the expression 'bleeding heart', coz that was exactly what i felt. as if the heart is drowing in it's own pool of blood, suffocating itself while it sinks deeper and deeper into the dark abyss of hopelessness...

Tuesday, 23 August 2005

creepy crawlies!!

urgh! dunno why, a lot of bugs seem to like flying into my room. how come ar? even my housemates say so! and i especially hate those with wings! lately, a lot of larger and not-so-normal insects have shown up. normally it's just those small moths and the occasional beetle. last week, a BEE flown in, dunno from where. urgh! had me running, ducking, jumping and screaming all at the same time! luckily one of my housemates are not afraid of such winged creatures, so she bravely went into my room (which i've long since abandoned) to take care of it. me, i just stood at the doorway, barely daring to stick my head in to see what's going on! so useless hor?

and a few nights later, a huge gigantic grasshopper was found perched on my curtain railings. gosh! i really can't believe my eyes! when i finally believed that it's indeed a creepy crawly grasshopper, i slowly got up from my chair, not wanting to scare the thing, and then quickly run into my housemate's room to seek help. again, she bravely went into my room to shoo away the thing. but the thing just refused to be shooed! it flew (yes, it actually FLEW - what large wings it has!) around my room, with my housemate following it around with a plastic bag. finally she managed to get it down to the floor, where she tried to cover it with the plastic bag. even so, it was only after a few attempts that it was finally captured. and during the whole process, i was screaming and jumping around OUTSIDE the room. the grasshopper gave one jump/fly, i'll give a shrill "aaahhh" *jump* once. aiyo, shy only... :Þ

and yesterday, a big giant moth pulak few into my room. it's those really big brown and white kind that u find in cold places. urgh!!! hate them! again, my housemate to the rescue... so kagum. how can she not scared of those things ar? my other housemate was laughing at me, saying maybe i have a sign that said, "all bugs welcomed". urgh!

neeways, this brave housemate told me that this month will have a lot of such insects, as it's a you-know-what month. OMG, thanks a lot of reminding me! some ppl believe that momoks will take on the form of insects to 'visit' the living. basically, i dun really believe this last bit. and anyway, heard somewhere that if a house is haunted, u'll never find any insect in it, not even a spider or mouse. coz their animal instincts will tell them that the house is 'dirty' and will stay away. is that the reason for my room being visited so frequently by those creepy crawlies?

*still craving for sushi!

Monday, 22 August 2005


stumbled across a blog of someone i know, a joint-blog between an acquaintance n his gf. what an eye-opener! it's so full of emotions, i'd never have believed it if i've not read it for myself. the guy writes about all the love he has for his gf. am impressed as it's nice to see a guy so into a gal. it's something that some people would never experience: a total love for a gal. pity...

AND then he writes about his hate for nearly everything around him! he even gripes about the escalator! his gf is also the same. i'm so surprised... she seemed like a nice soft-spoken gal (i know her personally). guess we really can't judge the book by it's cover <=== something i should've learnt a long time ago with all the betrayals done upon me.

after reading their blog, i think i'm really an angel! hahaha... not exactly a saint, as there are some things n ppl that i hate, but not to THAT extend! gosh, isn't it tiring to hate every little minor things around u? the guy who stopped to talk to u, ur boss, ur landlady, ur gf's landlady, ur job, ur belly etc... really so many things to hate meh???

i wonder if ppl i know would be surprise when reading my blog. to read about the true me. one way or the other, life is like a masquerade.

Paper faces on parade,
Hide your face,
so the world will never find you!

Every face a different shade
Turn around
there's another mask behind you.

~Masquerade, Phantom of the Opera

neeways, lucky for them that there's no mention of ME in there! if not, i'd surely hate them back with similar intensity! Image hosted by

*craving for sushi...

Thursday, 18 August 2005


2 good friends of mine gave birth recently...

cherry's baby isabelle, born on 19 July 2005

biow's baby wenn, born on 14 August 2005

anyway, a comment on siblings i made in biow's blog awakened my memory (albeit a failing one!) of an incident i had with my bro when we were very young...

i think i was just a wee baby then, barely one week old and still with the plaster stucked at my belly button. (*note: this was told to me by bro n dad, coz obviously i was too young to comprehend or remember!) anyway, bro was in the same room with me when dad popped in to check on us. he saw that 2 y/o bro had somehow caused my tali pusat plaster to fall off and immediately sat him down to have a 'man-to-man' talk with him.

according to bro, dad said very solemnly to him, "mei-mei is very small and you are her kor kor. you must protect her ok? you must make sure she is not harmed", at which bro nodded as if in total understanding. from that day onwards, bro has never laid a pinky on me, even when we were fighting. he'd always let me win. so nice hor? hehehe... bro always blame that talk with dad, saying that it psycho-ed him into always letting me bully him. good ole dad! but i think i'm not too spoiled to take advantage of my bro's soft spot for me. i know my limits.....

fishy memory...

read somewhere that fish have the shortest memory span, esp goldfish, with only 2 minutes of memory. well, whenever i think of this, i'll think of dory from Finding Nemo! so funny, that fish!

neeways, reason i'm blogging abt this is because i find that my memory span is getting shorter by the day... signs of ageing? *sob*sob*

had QES training today. this particular training is made up of 5 modules, and we need to attend 1 module every month, today being the 3rd. during today's training, i found that i can't remember anything from the last 2 modules! gosh... when the trainer review on the things we've covered in the past months, i'm like searching frantically in my brain for any trace of those things... so sad. now i can REALLY forget abt further studies.

maybe it's because it's such a classroom theory training. so sien... and so not interesting at all. i think i'm the type who does better at skill learning rather than theory. ask me abt the rules of grammar and i can only stare at you blankly, really. i only know how to apply it... thank god i didn't aspire to be a teacher! grin

Friday, 12 August 2005

plum blossom fate II

apparently, chinese feng-shui and zodiacs are not restricted to only chinese. now, which is better: to tell a guy straight that “i’m single and available, tho' not as available as u'd like but hey, we can still be friends”; or just plain “sorry, i'm not available” even tho’ that’s not the truth?

anyway, there’s this guy of another race. it's not that i'm against inter-racial relationships or anything like that. but they just don't attract me. i mean, it's one thing to drool over their good looks and all, but another to actually get involved with them.

i think it all has to do with pheromones or chemistry as some may like to call it. i have an acute sense of smell. i'm always sensitive to smell, esp smoke (can imagine my torture in this hazy weather) and body odour. and IMHO (in my humble opinion), i think ppl of different races smell differently. of course, the body odour of some ppl really have nothing to do with their race, but that's an entirely different story. anyway, i hope i'm not being racist...

Thursday, 11 August 2005

guess where i bought this!


got my SURGICAL mask at last. can u recognize me? do i look like a SARS patient? and oh yeah, bet no one can guess where i bought it! tongue

more hazy days...

today is worse than yesterday! views taken from office at 2pm today...




oh hazy day!


the golf course view from my apartment at around 6.30pm yesterday. the haze situation in KL is getting really bad. it has even seeped its way into Suria (KLCC) and the whole shopping complex took on a sureal look. so scary... now even non-middle eastern women (here on vacations by the busloads) are having their faces covered. it's like the SARS scare all over again...

well, was thinking of getting a mask for myself, since i had to walk to and from the lrt station everyday. but when i went to the pharmacy and asked for a face mask yesterday, i was shown to the aisle displaying facial mask! the promoter even asked me if i wanted the cooling one or the mud mask! *rolling eyes* maybe i should've said 'surgical mask' instead, but still...

yesterday proved to be the worst case so far, with KL City Centre reaching 460 API at 3pm (*note: this info was received via e-mail yesterday. but today's newspaper stated that yesterday's API was actually 181). it's been announced that an emergency would only be declared if the API reaches 500. here's an API descriptor for reference:

0-50 good
51-100 moderate
101-200 unhealthy
201-300 very unhealthy
>300 hazardous

i think by the time the API do reach 500, there won't be any need to declare emergency anymore as everyone would have died from suffocation already!

Tuesday, 9 August 2005

gone with the ebb of time

informed by mom and cousins that popo's kampung house has been demolished! gosh!!! i can't believe it! apparently, the motobike shop owner (who took over the kopitiam next door and converted it into a motorbike repair shop) bought over the land or something. so now the whole place is flattened out. gosh, still can't believe it!

it's been so long since i passed by that place that i can't even remember when was the last time i laid eyes on it. from what i recall, it's overgrown with weeds and is really dilapidated looking. i think its doors and windows has not been thrown open once and its inside has not seen any sunlight since popo and everyone moved out in 1992/93. i guess the house must've been really sad to be abandoned like that and just gave up being a house, allowing all the weeds and wilderness around it to move in and consume it.

sometime last year, my cousin told me he stopped by it to show his young daughter and sons the house he grew up in. weeds and all sorts of lallang were growing around it, even inside the house. and it was infested with mosquitoes! what started out as a trip down daddy's memory lane for my niece and nephews turned out to be a mozzie nightmare, which they kesian-ly extended their legs and arms to me as proofs. the motorbike repair man even came out to warn him that a big snake has been sighted there before and not to bring his children too close to the place. well, it's a wonder the motorbike repair owner wanted to flattened out the place!

but oh, the sweet dear kampung house where i practically grew up in! with the high stone staircase that leads down to the kitchen, the zinc kitchen roof, the outdoor non-flush toilet, the stone stove lighted with firewood at the back for popo to boil water, the jambu air tree filled with kerengga (those big red ants whose bite stings like hell), the little drain that ran across the 'backyard' where the ducks popo kept would drink from, the little shaded area next to the jambu tree where popo tied lebbie the mongrel, the cool 'basement' place where i spent many a hot afternoons with my playmates and where i hid (and eventually found by popo) to weep, no, wail my heart out when popo told me lebbie would have to be put to sleep, the hut at the far back where all the firewood were kept, the marshy muddy fenced-in area where popo kept her ducks, the reban for popo's chickens, the railings and beams where i clung my wee body to while pleading with mom to let me stay the night, the little lane beside the house where the ice-cream man would pass everyday whose ring-ring would send us running to beg 20 sen from popo for a stick of ice-cream... oh, all the memories!

and along with it, another piece of popo is robbed from us too.

Saturday, 6 August 2005

spot the difference

my room with the piano (top) and post-piano days. can see the difference? not the difference in bedsheet n curtains lar! but the furniture... the piano is the almost black-dark brown thing right next to the computer, in case anyone still can't find it. here, the arrangaments are quite similar, unlike the pre-piano days. too bad didn't have that pic in soft copy, coz was taken a long time ago when i first moved in. that time belum buy digital camera yet...

p/s: my room looks a bit bare without aragon looking down at me sleep hor? removed that poster coz always have the icky feeling of aragon glaring at me n trying to stab me with his sword, esp in the dark! tho' why would anyone, esp righteous aragon, wanna stab such a cute damsel is way beyond me! :Þ

Wednesday, 3 August 2005

straight from the heart?

"hope you find your true love", "hope you treat your next one better", "here's wishing you happiness"

how many times have we uttered these words at the end of a failed relationship? and how many times do we actually mean it and say it from the bottom of our hearts? dunno about the rest of the human kind, but for me, nil. if i were to say what was really in my heart, it would go something like this:

"here's wishing you'll never find another as good and nice and pretty and intelligent and smart and cute etc (note that it's all AND and not OR) as me, and spend the rest of your life alone, regretting every second the hurt you've caused me and every drop of tears you've caused me to shed."

yep, i'm keeping grudges. i can't let go. i can't forgive. i don't want to forgive. no one who hurt me that much have the right to be happy. what makes him think that he can just drop in, play havoc with me and then drop out again? this is no bloody touch n' go, ok?

evil as it may seem, i'm really curious about the kind of karma he's created for cheating n lying, tho' no doubt the very thought of it (and the pleasure from knowing he's definitely created a whole big chunk of it) would have earned me some -ve karma of my own.

Saturday, 30 July 2005

When we were young…

Having 2 working parents meant my brother and I had to spend our Saturdays and school holidays at Popo’s house until we were old enough to be left alone at home. Popo stayed in a kampung house and next to it was an ol-fashioned independent single-storey structure that served as a kopitiam managed by an old couple, known to us as Ah Pek and Aunty.

I remember I was in Standard 1 when they came to live with the Ah Pek and Aunty kopitiam next door. We were shy at first, but being children, we became fast friends. There were 3 of them, Yuen Yuen who was 1 year younger than me, Ting Ting (1 year younger than her sister) and baby Fong Fong. Of course, I didn't have much interest in baby Fong Fong, but Yuen Yuen and Ting Ting were the ideal playmates. They told me about their story, of their mother having to work somewhere else, their dad being dead and all. Hence widow mom had to leave them with Ah Pek and Aunty Kopitiam to be taken care of.

And oh how we played! Even though we were only allowed to play out of doors, due to my aunt complaining that we jump around too much (it’s a kampung house made of wood, remember? with lots of staircase), my cousins who didn’t like the idea of strange kids going in and out of their rooms freely (if anyone has ever stayed in a kampung house before, he/she would know about how the room doors are only closed at night), and Aunty Kopitiam complaining that the noise we made were disturbing the customers, we had plenty of glorious fun.

Sometimes when the weather got too hot, we would venture into the kampung house’s basement. A kampung house rests on long stilts, thus creating a hallow space beneath the house that is most convenient as a store room. Some people even keep their chickens and ducks there! Anyway, Popo's basement were used to keep bicycles and other knick-knacks and there, we would play house, tell stories, teach each other to make origami, and a whole lot of other stuff that little gals play.

One day about a year later, I think should be around the end of the school term (it was really a loooong time ago!), I came to find Yuen Yuen (who just finished Standard 1) looking all gloomy and sad. When asked the reason, she said Aunty Kopitiam just told her her mom had decided that sending 2 kids to school is too pricey (with Ting Ting starting school next year). Thus the decision was made that Yuen Yuen should stop school. She was devastated coz she said she loved school!

That was the first time in my life that I’ve heard of anyone dropping out from school due to poverty. I couldn’t imagine what Yuen Yuen would do if she don’t go to school. Aren’t kids SUPPOSED to go to school?

Anyway, a little while after that, Ting Ting told me excitedly that their mom are coming to fetch them and they would go away for good to stay with their mom. I was a little disappointed at the news as that would mean me losing my playmates!

When the day for their mom to come fetch them arrived, I went over to the kopitiam to check things out. It seems that their mom has found herself a husband (he looked twice her age – something I observed even at the age of around 10), with a few (3 I think) teenaged children of his own. A widower too, maybe. Anyway, my playmates were too excited with the prospects of going to live with their mom again as well as having a dad and elder siblings at the same time to bother much with me. After a while, I left. There weren’t any of those romantic partings that we read in books, where best friends would swear to be faithful to each other despite the distance between them or to write letters to each other. We parted just like that, without even a word of goodbye.

A few years later, Popo went to visit the Ah Pek and Aunty kopitiam (who by the way had ceased operations and moved away) and brought me along. I found baby Fong Fong still under their care, though not exactly a baby anymore – 3-4 y/o. However, there was no clue or any news of Yuen Yuen and Ting Ting, even though I listened hard to Popo’s and Aunty kopitiam’s conversation, hoping to catch a mention of their names. And being brought up by Popo in the traditional method of children being seen and not heard, it never occurred to me to actually ask.

I remember the years after our parting… Whenever I was involved in something that included other schools (such as choir competitions, school Expo, friendly matches etc), I would obsessively look around at all the girls, half hoping to spot either Yuen Yuen or Ting Ting in the crowd of strange faces. And I would wonder: “What if I meet them again? Would they still remember me?”

Now, looking back, I realized what pitiful children they were. They were always being bullied by Ah Pek and Aunty kopitiam into doing chores and getting scolded and caned, they seldom get to see their mom and even if she does visit, it was only for a few hours, and not having a dad (about this piece of info, vaguely remember mom [my own] telling me that that was just a story their mother told them, that actually their dad didn’t die - can't believe mom telling such things to a 10+ child!). And having to face the possibility of being plucked out from school at such a tender age, due to poverty! Gosh! But at that time, it didn’t occur to me to pity them. In my eyes, we were equal.

Oftentimes, I would think about them, Yuen Yuen, Ting Ting and baby Fong Fong, and wonder what had happened to them. Yuen Yuen and Ting Ting would be in their 20s by now. What are they doing now? Did they get to finish their schooling, let alone get higher educations? What do they look like now? What kind of lives are they leading with their step-dad and older half-siblings? Where are they now?

Wednesday, 27 July 2005

free breakfast...

am always getting such samples on the way to work. sometimes there will be packets of biscuits and bread as well!

Monday, 25 July 2005

am accomplished ice-skater!

ok, maybe 'accomplished' is too strong a word, but i've just completed all the beginner levels and moving on to the intermediate levels! the beginner levels are:

1) pre-alpha
2) alpha
3) beta
4) gamma
5) delta

we (N and i) will be starting our Free Style 1 soon. so proud! but we didn't take any tests, coz tests make us very tension! hahaha... so no certs to show. maybe will consider taking one or two Free Style tests later on...

*note to B:
didn't manage to take the pic u asked, coz our bags were in the lockers and need money to open the doors everytime. will c when N's bf is here, then he can take for us.

Thursday, 21 July 2005

more of my collection

only started this in 2003, so there's not many yet. one regret is that i didn't save any of the shells i picked from pulau tioman in 2001. at that time, it seemed a good idea to throw it all away, along with the memory of the how the shells came about. but oh, let's not get into THAT memory now...

from right to left:
1) Pulau Kapas, Terengganu 24~27/05/03
2) Redang Lang, Pulau Lang Tengah, Terengganu 26~28/06/04
3) Club Med Cherating, Terengganu 25~27/07/04
4) Laguna Beach Resort, Pulau Redang, Terengganu 14~16/08/04
5) Awana Kijal, Terengganu 27~29/06/05

hmm... seems like i'm a beach bum last year. 3 beach/island trips in 3 months! crazy...

finest n whitest sand among all, from Lang Tengah Island. nicest shells too!

oishi ne!


Monday, 18 July 2005

i had a dream

dreamed that i went to buy a little puppy... had a choice between a golden retriever and a pug. so naturally i went for the golden retriever, my fav dog. was so happy... then suddenly a maid appeared, with me giving orders on how to care for the pup. and then suddenly again, the pup turned into a baby! i can still see the baby's face in my mind now... a baby boy. but weird thing is, baby boy was wearing colar! colar is exactly like my previous dog's rainbow coloured one, with a bell in the front. how weird.

when i woke up, felt sad that i can't keep a dog in my apartment now. actually there are a lot of residents keeping dogs in my area, but i know now is not the time lar...

i'm a dog person, have always loved them since very young. am longing for one now... the need to feel needed by a creature that's so unconditional in its love. guess i'm feeling kinda empty now... *sigh...

anyway, back to my dream. what's with the baby??? hmm... could it be my biological clock ticking? really weird. but feel more longing for the pup than for the baby.

Thursday, 14 July 2005


i finally decide to go back on a decision i made earlier, due to short-sightedness. it seemed like the right decision then, but now i realize that things are not so simple. guess i have to bow down to reality.

am bogged down by downheartedness and depression lately. guess the pendulum's on a backward swing again. need a good cry... think i'll go back today and dig out my 'leong san pak & juk ying thoi' (butterfly lovers) vcd from my sad movies collection. nothing like a good cry to cheer one up, however ironic it may seem!

Monday, 11 July 2005

with the cats away...

...the mice come out to play! lurv it when the bosses are not around. one thing good about having 2 offices is that the bosses are required to travel constantly to the other office for meetings n other business related matters. n especially happy abt it if they happen to be away on a monday! :Þ