Thursday, 3 June 2010

what did u expect?

ok, seeing that i've just had my birthday last week, i guess a reflective post is in order. so here goes...

growing up, i've never really had any expections as to what my life would be. i guess i'm more the "que sera, sera" type. just take life as it comes, what will be, will be. no long term plans. just drifting along and adapt to what life throws me as best i can.

looking back, i've never even imagine what my life would be when i grow up, when i'm 20, 30, 40 years old. i never imagined of what car i would drive, what house i would stay in, what kinda job i'd be doing, what kinda man i'd get married to, etc... ok, i did do some sort of fantasizing, but none involving age. i've never thought, "when i'm xx years old, i'd have a perfect career, a perfect house, a perfect car, a perfect husband, perfect kids bla bla bla..." most of my fantasizes are more like daydreaming kinds. lolz...

anyway, i must say this attitude towards life has it's pros and cons. the pro part is, having no expectations means we will not be disaappointed. and we get to do and be whatever we want, whenever it suits us. there's a whole world of opportunities out there! things that we can't even begin to imagine!

this suits me quite well, me thinks, me being the fickle gemini that i am... one minute i'm thinking of taking off to a faraway land but the next minute, dreaming of getting my own place and finally settling down in a fixed location.

and the con part? well, i guess i'd be seen as someone who is without ambition. and without ambition, we are sorta lost... no directions... failure???

this is how i see it. life without an ambition doesn't mean we have no desire for advancement and to better ourselves. of course we all want better stuff. better jobs, better homes, better cars etc. better everything! i'd say i'm more inclined to living in the present. coz really, who knows what's really gonna happen in the future, 10 or 20 years from now, next year, next month, next week, tomorrow, or even one hour from now, right? i'm not saying that planning for the future is bad. it's just not who i am... that's all.

anyway, i'd like to hear from everyone out there! ARE YOUR LIVES NOW WHAT YOU IMAGINED THEM TO BE? please share... or if you wish to write a post on this in your own blog, please share your link in the comment box!


WorkinMUM said...

A ger ar.. just to share my part, for me, i did not set target too..just go with the flow.. but i think somehow when i flashed back, i did set some milestones like i hope to get married by 30, have children before 35, at what position in work by 35 kinda things.. so i guess with some ambition i will work towards it than let it happen naturally ?


Pebbles Jetson said...

awwwwww... you know what? YOU are a lucky, lucky girl! Because you are actually happy and contented with your life. And that is something that not many have.

Which then begets the question - what is happines? For some may be achieving goals set for themselves, and for most that means achieving certain milestones in their lives. For others, it is living their lives the way they choose to live it, whatever their definition may be. There is no right or wrong, and for each it's different. I am glad that you know what makes you happy, and you're living your life to the fullest, and by making your passage on earth counts.

As for me, I've never really had a "schedule" either in terms of milestones, but yes, I have to admit, that for most part of my life, I did cave in to certain societal and familial expectations - excelling in studies, having a "great" career (or what is perceived to be by society as one), having a family (although this I had to fight the family and society as my definition of family does not necessarily involve legal ties) owning a house and a car et cetera. But it took a cancer to make me realise that I wasn't really happy, because I wasn't really living my life. So now, I am doing everything in my power to not let my life go to waste, and not allow others to define my life for me.

There is no right or wrong. And I don't believe in a timetable. I do however, believe that once you've chosen your path, then you should set short and medium-term goals in the different areas, e.g. in one's career, it's not so much "Oh, I want to be a VP in 5 years", but rather, "in a year, I should be master of my area and be the best-in class in that area, and in 3 years, I want to be able to mentor and groom my sucessor, and in 5 years, I would want to move on to other areas that will challenge me". In striving to to achieve these goals, the monetary and other rewards will come. But it is all about self-growth and giving-back. And achieving these goals gives you a certain satisfaction.

It is important to have these goals, to have some sort of direction and structure, but we must also be ready when time comes for you to live the life that God panned for you, and let go of the life one thinks one wants. The greatest lesson that I personally have learnt recently is that I have now quit wishing my life looked some other way and began to see that as it is, my life serves my evolution. I do not regret anything.

As to the question of 'What is happiness?' I like what Michael J. Fox once said, "Happiness is directly proportional to acceptance, na dinversely proportional to expectation".

But ultimately, this is a question only you can answer. But life is what you make of it. And I know that you have a good head on your shoulder and the best of what your family has given you to guide you through life. And you know what? You are a wonderful person to have in one's life, and I am soooo glad to have found you, my adik! Happy belated birthday! *hugs and muaks* :D

Biow said...

err.. did we hv the chat or que sera sera before ur this post or what?!?!? I hv not read ur blog until today.. i swear sometimes we hv the same-nest wave length.. thinking abt the same thing ard the same time.. *shudder*

stargal said...

WorkinMUM@ thanks for sharing! yeah, i know a lot of ppl have these kinda milestones, but for me, it won't work coz i'm so fickle! hehe...

Pebbles Jetson@ wow, your comment is longer than my post! hehe... thanks for the sound advice, kakak! *hugs and muaks back* :)

Biow@ haha... dun freak out. i wrote this post before our chat. that's y i told u i'm the que sera, sera type. hehe... but yeah, sometimes i also feel that we've so much similarities! we're really soul sisters lar!