Wednesday, 15 August 2012

the art of matchmaking...

being a single gal at 30+ of age, it's inevitable that i'd fall prey to the kaypoh intentions of friends and family members to try to matchmake me with someone they know. everyone has one (or a few) relative/friend/acquaintance who is single that's "just the right match" for me. 


for me, i don't really care much about meeting "the right match" through such activities but i don't really repel these intentions either. i know my friends and family members (and sometimes even friends' friends, or their mothers, or the vegetable seller in the market that they frequent) meant well. some people have the misconception that singles are sad lonely people who need rescueing.


anyway, like i said, i've nothing against them. so most of the time, i'd go along for the arranged meetup, sometimes just to humour the matchmaker, even when i am already seeing someone secretly on the side. ok, this fact may or may not be true. i'm just saying...

i don't really see it as a matchmaking session, but more like meeting a new friend. no harm knowing another friend, right? that being said, however, there were some awkward moments that could have been avoided had the matchmaking party been more tactful about the whole thing.

as an experienced "victim" to matchmaking, i've been to my fair share of such sessions. while some were disastrous (ok, most were disastrous), i'd also like to point out that i met one of my good friends this way too. so it's not all bad... that's why i've decided to make a compilation of some do's and don'ts for all those aspiring matchmakers out there. note: some of these incidents may not be from my own experience.

it's just a meetup, not meet-the-parents marriage proposal
there's no need to go on and on about the guy's family background, how his mother is really nice and understanding and there's no need to worry about the in-laws after marriage. like, seriously?? we've only met the guy (along with his mother) for 5 minutes and you're already talking about our future marriage life together? geez...

too hard-sell
yeah, we know you're really excited for the two of us to meet and you really hope to see us take to each other and all that. but before the meetup, there's no need to fill both parties in on every tiny detail you know about the other party. what do you expect us to talk about when we meet? the weather? if we already know everything about him and him us, then there's no need for all those "getting-to-know-you" conversations anymore, no?

guy: i just drove down from penang, where i work
girl: yeah, i know
*crickets chirping*

girl: i'm in the drugs business
guy: yeah, i know
*crickets chirping*

whisper-whispering and making eye signals behind our backs as if we're not there
look, if the guy you're trying to introduce to us still needs behavioural coaching, why the hell are you introducing him to us?!? and trust me, though we pretend not to notice all those subtle raised eyebrows and eye signals, we do see them.

also, there's nothing worse than being made to feel like an outsider, when two or more of your friends are whispering (not so softly too!) right in front of you, on the strategies they should employ in getting the two subjects at the table to warm up to each other. like hello, we're still here and we can seeeeeeeee and heeaaarrr yooooouuuuu!

teasing us about the guy we've not even met
now i find this one totally immature. ok, so you know someone great you want us to know. fine. but there's no need tell everyone in the group as well, and then start teasing us for our every action and words, as if we're so hard-up to meet this great and amazing guy friend of yours!

girl: let's go over there by the lake.
friends: aiya, he won't be there lar. why you wanna go there for?

girl: wait, let me have that seat. the wind from this direction will mess up my hair.
friends: why? here has a better view of him? where is he sitting by the way?

gosh please, we're not in school anymore!

the way i see it, the best way for a successful matchmaking session is to let nature take its course. sure, we sometimes need a little nudge in the right direction, which is  the reason for the matchmaking, or maybe i should use the term "introduction". but after that, just let things be. we've met the guy, he's met us. so now let's just have a totally normal meal/drink while we talk about normal everyday stuff in a normal ordinary way. if he's interested, let him take the initiative. he's a big boy, there's no need to hold his hand all the way. if there's no interest, then just move on. and sometimes in place of romance, the seed of friendship is sown, which is a good thing too!

by the way, i'm kinda traditional in the sense that i still believe that a guy should always be the one to make the first move. yeah, i'm difficult like that, but that's just me :)


gina said...

Haha! I think my sis went through that before.. the introduction to the mother and the mother already talking about what she will give my mother if her son and my sister get married. Hahaha!

Yes.. usually, match making doesn't work that way. Better to be friends first and let nature takes its course. No hurry... 30s is the new frontier to a whole new adventure!

stargal said...

u said it, gina! *high five*

Biow said...

if only the parents read your this posting..

stargal said...

haha... better not :P