my horoscope...

someone forwarded this site to me, which takes the combination of my eastern n western horoscope... here's what it said abt me...

You aren't content to take life at face value; you want to know the "how" and "why" of things. Finding solutions to persistent problems gives you great satisfaction. The year you were born, balloon angioplasty was developed to treat coronary heart disease. Such a breakthrough is characteristic of your own thinking. You often use unconventional methods to get around age-old dilemmas. Serious work of an intellectual nature appeals to you most. You'd make an excellent scientist, surgeon, or lawyer. It may take several years before you reach the pinnacle of your career, but that won't bother you. You're not afraid of hard work, especially if it is performed for a great purpose. A knack for problem-solving could also draw you to a career in government, research, or repairs. So long as you're exercising your brain, your work will be rewarding.

You probably enjoy spending time with friends one-on-one. Big crowds make you uneasy and nervous. Consequently, quiet, reflective people suit you best. Taureans, Librans, Scorpios, and Pisceans put you at ease. Romantically, you need a dreamy, artistic partner with a strong spiritual streak. You like to baby your beloved.

Your greatest challenge is to find work that draws upon your considerable intellect. It may be necessary to change jobs throughout the course of your life as a means to find constant stimulation. Your biggest strength is your creativity. Always look for a new way of doing things; you're too inventive to stick to the tried-and-true.

Profoundly romantic, you are destined to have a rich love life. You are willing to go out on a limb to attract the object of your affection. Love has a transformative effect on you; folks can always tell when there is someone special in your life. If you aren't in a relationship, channel your energy into artistic pursuits. You are probably a great writer and could have great success with crafting dark, brooding stories. Restoring antiques and playing chess are also good ways for you to expend your creative energy.

get ur own horoscope reading at: http://www.tigerbeer.us/horoscope/

cny shopping...

went shopping last sat after work. happy... coz my pants size turun 1 size! kekekeke... looks like scrimping on food has its benefits too! tho' eating homemade sandwiches (wholemeal bread with egg mayo/tuna) for 3 weeks isn't an enjoyable experience...

 

but cny's coming! so excited! dunno y, but we tend to go easy on ourselves during festive season... no wonder i always go back to my original weight after cny. *sigh...

 

anyway, back to my shopping. bought 1 pair of jeans in 'shit green', a white blouse and a pair of beige working pants. was thinking of getting the pink colour one, as pink is the 'in' colour now, but i still can't bring myself to wear pink pants yet! anyway, wanted to buy a shirt for my dad, but dunno how to go abt it, size n colour/pattern wise. when i see a nice shirt, i'll try to imagine my dad in it but somehow i can't. hmm... then those shirts that i can imagine my dad wear, are those that he already has! that's y i can imagine it! hahaha... will try again this weekend. if still can't find any, i think i'll just give him money instead.

 

and got raspberry cheesecake recipe from biow... can't wait to try it out! but dunno when will have time to go shopping for the ingredients. hope to make it this week, as this is the last week my housemate will be here. too bad i have to work tomorrow, coz it's ft day and pj is officially in selangor. nvm lar, selangor had hols last week during thaipusam...

more cake?

hmm... thinking of making another cheesecake. my housemate (the younger one) would be leaving next week, wanna look for work in singapore. and since my last (and first) choc chip oreos cheesecake, she's been pestering me to teach her how to make. teach not like how biow taught me, by giving me the recipe and then answering all my questions online, but really demonstrate it to her...

and anyway, i've been wanting to try making a raspberry/blueberry cheesecake. but prob is, i'm afraid to improvise from the choc chip oreos recipe. dunno how it'll turn out. i know i need to replace the oreos with disgestible biscuits for the base... and also leave out the choc chips... but what abt the lemon? do i still add in the lemon? then would i need some other ingredients not needed in the choc chip? hmm... kinda complicated, these baking stuff...

will see how. maybe just make another choc chip oreos lor...

having diarrhoea today... urgh! seems like i'm most succeptible to food poisoning than any other illnesses. this time, i think it's due to the japanese buffet we (my housemates n i) went for yesterday in farewell for the leaving housemate. i remember the last time i had a major food poisoning, it was due to this japanese buffet too! N n i were attacking the raw oysters like nobody's biz... kekeke... so had to pay for it later the next 2 weeks. N was just ill for abt 3 days, but i had to endure the running to the toilet for 2 weeks! i even fainted twice coming out from the toilet, waking up to wonder y i'm lying on the floor outside my room door. can't seem to keep anything in. gosh, how i hate food poisoning.

but i didn't touch the oysters yesterday. n the rest of my housemates are fine... but luckily it's just a mild bout of diarrhoea, even tho' sometimes can still feel the contents of my stomach riding the roller-coaster. hopefully it'll subside soon.

cny ard the corner...

just another 2 weeks to cny... but somehow, i dun feel the new year mood yet. y ar? maybe coz i'm still here, still need to work hard. i think i'd feel it when i get home...

anyway, heard from mico-san today that a fren's dad passed away. gosh! juz last 2 weeks, it was biow's dad, then now BB's dad... life is really so unpredictable...

well, i've also experienced the death of a loved one near cny, when i was in f4. it was my beloved granny, the person who loved me the most. her death was really sudden. one day she was sitting there, talking to us n planning for cny, and the next day, when i was coming down from my room to go to school, my dad told me granny had passed away! how i cried! no, i literally howled!

anyway, as granny's death was so near cny, according to chinese culture, we can't celebrate cny as we're still in mourning. but ironically, we celebrated it hardest that year. of course, we didn't do much house-visiting to non-relatives' homes, lest some of them pantang... but we had some great family gatherings that year. granny's death brought us even closer together. of course, when our laughters grew too boisterous from our card games or when our voices grew too loud from our conversations, we can always hear remarks like, "if granny were here, she's be laughing until tears come to her eyes!" i think granny would want it that way too, for us to strengthen our family ties n celebrate life in those cny gatherings.

n every cny after that, even tho' it's been so long, memories of granny would be even more vivid in my mind than other times. granny isn't one to join in on our conversations or card games (being a devout buddhist, one can't possibly imagine her sitting down at the gambling table with her prayer beads which, as far as i can recall, never left her hands!), but always liked to sit quietly at the side, watching our games or listening to our jokes n conversations... the image of her, laughing so hard but soundlessly that her eyes would be reduced to just 2 thin lines, always warmed me up. those are the times when i'd miss her most...

well, this year, heard from mom that we'd be going over to JB on the first day of cny, coming back the next day. this is something different, as every year, the gathering's always at my house. as my cousin has just bought a large house in JB recently, my mom thought we should go there to visit my uncle for a change.

anyway, have not bought any cny clothes yet... but then again, i'm not one who's really that particular abt the tradition of wearing new clothes for cny. i remember there was one year where i bought just one blouse for cny, and on the first day of cny too! hahaha...

fingers crossed!

went for the interview today... they asked me to do a DISC test, but the results kinda conflicting... hahaha... must be the gemini twins playing havoc again!

anyway, i think the chances are quite high... it's just that they're not sure when they'll need me. oh, they definitely need ppl, but not immediately. so they gotta determined when they need me, then only they'll get back to me to see if i'm still interested. so like i said, if they need ppl, chances are they'll take me... so keep fingers crossed!

hopefully i get this one, coz really wanna try out this industry, something different from what i've been doing. i'm not even sure if i'll like it, but just give it a try lar. that's y i didn't put down a very high expected salary, just a tiny bit higher than my current. and if they think that's high, i'm willing to start with what i'm getting now...

hmm... what if i dun like it? then hop again lor! kekeke...

sold off my piano...

...at last! i thought i'd never be able to sell it. really owe it to sc for helping me... *phew*

they came to take it today, much to the disappointment of my housemates. they thought it's a real pity to be selling it off, coz i got it at a bargain price and the price i'm letting go is too low. they think i should just keep it. but it's of no use to me now, just another piece of furniture that i have to dust every week. so i guess that's the most sensible thing to do. at least it'll be of better use to its new owner. but i sure will miss it... hope the new owner treats it kindly.

so now my room is back to its 'pre-piano' arrangements. spent the whole day today re-arranging my room. gosh, how can a gal 'accumulate' so many things?

k, i need to iron some clothes for tomorrow's interview now. *sigh... hate ironing!

feeling better...

had a good cry n a good sleep... now feeling not so desolate, more clear-headed.

i remember something someone told me once, that i'm like a little puppy. and for ppl like me, the world will consist of only 2 types of ppl:
type 1 - ppl who goes, "oh, a puppy. must protect n sayang it."
type 2 - ppl who goes, "hey, a puppy! let's take away its bone n bully it. should be fun to watch it suffer!"

how come i'm meeting more of type 2 ppl and less of type 1? *sigh... and how come there isn't any type 3, where they'll just be happy to see n play with the little puppy, as equals, without any obligations to wanna protect it? am i really that weak?

is it me???

i wonder y i'm always the target of merciless insults n teasings... maybe it's my way of acting as the clown of the party, or maybe i'm just not serious enough. maybe i should be more serious with ppl, talk less nonsense, reveal less things abt myself...

was at a clg's wedding dinner today n was teased n insulted mercilessly by the very ppl i consider not merely colleagues, but as friends. E even told me, "it's so long since i had the opportunity to 'shoot' someone. when i see u, i'm so happy, coz at last there's someone for me to 'shoot'" i was speechless when i hear her say that. so i'm always the target lar? so i don't have any feelings lar? so everyone can just 'shoot' me all they like lar? so i'm there for everyone to let off all their frustrations lar?

when they were teasing n insulting me just now, i said jokingly that i'd leave since they dun like me/my attitude/my being late. that set them off even more and they launched threats of 'go lar, y are you still here?' n 'u keep saying u wanna leave, but u're still here. how thick is your face?' n 'you really have no principles. if u say u wanna leave, then u should just leave' etc. really sounds like they hate me rite? that's what i believe too... anyway, i really REALLY wanted just stand up and walk off! but i was thinking abt the consequences. how it'll look to the bride n groom. how it'll affect the mood of the whole evening n spoiling C's wedding dinner, since the function was juz beginning. so i clenched my teeth n just sat there, with a smile pasted on my face... i dunno y i even put up with them. i dunno y i think n consider so many things. should've just stood up n go!

thinking back, i've always been the target for bullies. my family members wouldn't believe it, coz i'm the bossy one at home. but with other ppl, i dunno y i'm so useless, letting ppl step all over me. can anyone imagine, when i broke up with X last time, my dad was guessing it's because of me being too fierce n demanding? heck, i was as meek as a lamb! where's the family support here???

feel like just curling up n having a good cry right now. so desolate n morose... as if the whole world's turned its back on me. abandonment. how long can i last in this hostile world?

gawd... i keep falling into depressions, falling again even before i'm out of the previous one. what is wrong with me??? where have all my joy gone? so tired of everything! i'm like lost in a labyrinth of negativity. turning turning turning... is there no end to it all?

Symbian tech...

Coolness! If everything else fails, i'll still b able to blog from my phone! How abt that? Only thing is i can't set the fonts n colour to it. Ok, dat's a tad demanding, i know. Hehe... Neeways, i still think it's a cool phone, tho i'm still getting a hang of all the functions, esp with symbian! *phew*

another interview...

was called for another interview today, scheduled for monday morning... so took another 1/2 day leave on monday... hopefully i get this one, really no mood to work oredi.

change of weather...

the weather is changing, a sure sign that cny is juz round the corner. personally, i nvr quite like the weather during cny. the rains of year-end has ceased and now it's hot n windy, not a good combination. one tends to get irritable in such weather.

 

despite the disagreeable weather, it doesn't affect my feelings for cny. looking forward to the family gathering! but now that i'm way past childhood, cny don't really hold that much excitement for me as b4. of course, the eating, drinking, card-games (ok ok, gambling), chit-chats and meeting up with family members are juz as fun, but it has lost its lustre as THE time of the year... hmm... i guess as we age, few things will really give us the wide-eyed excitement of childhood.

that was fast!

hahaha... at home now, just got back from interview with a publishing house for position of writer. i think i'll give this one a pass too.

they dun really interview me at all! just tell me the job functions of a writer... blah blah blah... then when they saw my current salary n expected salary, baru they told me that actually they're looking for fresh grad, as their budget is only RM1.5k... apa lar... then wat for call me for interview??? waste my time only!

will be looking out for other opportunities...

foul mood

went to pasar malam yesterday with sc n b... hmm... kinda sorry i agreed to go, coz was not in a good mood yesterday. tired and dispirited. was glad to see sc, but not in the mood for any of b's stupid jokes n insults. anyway, sc n i in the same mood... juz sien of work.

going for an interivew later, taking half day leave today. but i dun think i'd like this job very much. so just go for fun lar, see how's the market like.

been rather down lately... lost all zest for life. the road ahead looks rather bleak and never ending, with no forks or bends along the way... where am i heading to? where am i to go from here? is this all there is to it? part of the reason for my state is work. another part is... hmm... i think only H knows abt that other part. dun feel like writing abt that here, too personal.

i have to do something lar... kenot keep wallowing in self-pity... but it's all so overwhelming. *sigh...

new phone!

i got a new phone!!! so happy!!! it's nokia 6260 with loads of features, namely digital vga camera, mobile email, quickword and quickpoint for viewing documents, html internet browser, bluetooth wireless technology, push-to-talk with dedicated side key, tri-band operation for networks on five continents, fm radio and mp3 player and a number of try and buy applications preloaded on the mmc memory card... but not yet get it, coz they dun have it in the colour i want. hopefully will get it by sunday.


will add on extra memory as well... can't wait to get it! as for my current 8310, i've found a buyer for rm150... gosh! imagine i got it for ard rm1.5k last time! actually, i really like my 8310. it's still so new and in such a good condition. i've taken really good care of it. gonna miss it... *sob*sob* hope its new owner would treat it good...

anyway, was reading mico's blog yesterday and her blog brought me to her fren's blog... so i read it as well... there, the author touched on the topic of gays, so i added a comment... it's kinda long, more of like an essay than a comment! :Þ anyway, here's what i wrote:

can't help giving my 2 cent's worth after reading this... hehehe... hope u dun mind. i'm huei's fren, btw.well, i think gays n les are pitiful enuf as it is, in the sense that they had to struggle with their confusion abt their true self. n when they finally decide on who they really r, we should embrace them, for they have found themselves and r truly happy at last. isn't happiness what each n every one of us r seeking in our lives?

in most asian societies, many still associate gays n les with 'dirty sex' n 'abnormal sexual acts'. but in actual fact, they are just ordinary ppl leading normal lives who happen to have a different sexual preference from other ppl. who r we to determine what is normal and what is not? it's because of the scorn from society that drove them to become prostitutes n other acts in their desperation for survival.

no offence to christianity, but IMHO religion should exist for the sake of the ppl, and not the other way round. if someone is happy and it doesn't harm other ppl, why must it be a taboo or a sin? happiness is the keyword here.

hehehe... ok, sorry for such a long comment. i'm always passionate abt such topics and will get so worked-up! coz there r some ppl close to me that r still suffering from such social stigma. some chose to hide it while others have no other choice but to go underground, cutting off all contacts from they old life. really sad...

depressed...

rather down in the dumps now... feeling so fat n ugly, unimportant n insignificant, worthless n flawed, unloved n unappreciated... just a nameless face in the sea of people. discontentment. *sigh...

hmm... where did it go?

i e-mailed a blog from the office today... but it didn't show up here. wonder where is it now... lost in the www? *wondering*

anyway, been actively searching for jobs lately... considered many possibilities too. maybe go into other lines previously not considered before. never try never know mar...

will blog abt y suddenly i'm so eager to leave later, most prob after i leave lar... coz the other day, X told me most prob my IT manager is already reading my blog, coz he definitely will have my blog addy in his data! it only depends on whether he's so free and 'wu-liao' to wanna check out each n every dem site i visit. so that's y it's not so convenient to blog abt y i wanna leave. shit man, can't even be straight n honest in my own blog. have to hold back something.... so sien.

not in a good mood today...

hmm... dunno y, today sees me a little under the weather... esp during my clg's house warming after work. easily irritable.

i guess first it was the gift we all shared to get her... it was way beyond my budget, almost double! that really burned a hole in my wallet... my manager went to buy it n he couldn't find the item we all agreed on earlier (with the agreed upon price). so he went to buy another much more expensive thing without consulting us first. my clg T n i were at a loss as to how to tell the others... as my manager said he'll give a bigger share, T suggested y not we just ask the rest to still pay the originally agreed upon share, and then the 3 of us in the dept will pay more, seeing that this clg is in our dept n we're closer to her. hmm... what can i say? i have 2 wedding dinners to attend this month, now with this unexpected expenses... *sigh...

anyway, i just told myself not to think too much of the money. we should be happy for my clg coz finally get to shift into her new home. but when we got there, we first met 2 of our ex-clg oredi there... i was the one who sms-ed them abt the share they have to pay for the present, and evidently they thought it too expensive. actually, b4 the rest of us in the office agreed on the item to buy, we budgeted it at a lower cost n i told my ex-clgs that. then when we decided on the item, it was over our budget of abt RM10 each. we thought it's still ok, so we went ahead. i didn't tell my ex-clgs abt this extra in budget, coz i thought they'll be ok with it too. but now, that 2 ex-clg are sort of like putting the blame on me. dunno lar, i can't say exactly what they said or hinted, but i can feel it from them lor. hey, i have to pay more than what they pay, ok? if they felt the burn, how abt the 3 of us?

hmm... then the whole nite, i find myself getting irritable at one of my ex-clg, for his incessant teasing. i never did liked his stupid jokes n teasings n sarcastic remarks b4, coz i can never top it or tease him down. but i can stand it tolerably well. but dunno y tonight, i just dun feel like taking any nonsense from him, esp when he called me names or teased me abt something.

normally, i can tolerate teasings from other ppl quite well, and will normally smile good-naturedly and laugh along with them. coz i know they're just teasing for fun and just for laughs. but i just hate his teasings, coz he's really thoughtless and is always doing it to degrade me and put me down. when he called me 'siao kao' (mad dog) tonight, i felt like shouting at him, "i may like dogs, but that doesn't mean i AM one, ok??!!!" but i just swallowed it up coz i dun wanna spoil my clg's house warming. i really really hate him for always calling me that! as always, i just smile or try to tease him down, but never succeeding. so maybe he thought i'm ok with it. maybe i should show more temper to let him know that i hate it.

hmm... then there's the tease abt my piano. i'm finally going to sell it, thanks to SC! *hugz* but i should've discussed it with her more privately tonight, instead of in front of everyone. coz it's another hot topic for them to tease me with. at times like this, i would regret letting anyone know anything abt me. like i said, i was easily provoked tonight.

that's y sometimes, i dun feel like telling ppl anything abt myself. just do the things i like quietly, then i can just go on changing my mind, taking up something, quiting it soon after, or buy something i like n losing interest in it later, without anyone bringing it up to my face later.

but come to think of it, i'm a terrible tease too. i'm also guitly of teasing ppl mercilessly. i would join in whenever someone is being teased and have a good laugh... but really, i dun mean any harm, just for fun mar. ok ok, i'm not going to justify myself for the acts that i hate being done on myself. i'm just as guilty. i'll try to be more tactful in my teasings next time.

there, i just made a new year's resolution without realizing it!

*biow, u're always saying that i'm full of the gen-y confidence, not caring abt wat ppl think of me. yeah, i'm normally like that, but sometimes, i have 'confidence break-downs' too... but then again, maybe this has nothing to do with confidence... i'm just irritated at times by the teasings. unlike u, i dun get depressed by what ppl say abt me. i just fume! luckily, my flames die down quite fast, so i'll get chummy-chummy with them again n tell them everything that i'm excited abt in my life! *sigh...

more abt my internet case...

this morning, when i was in the lobby of my company building going into the lift, i saw that idiot coming from the opposite direction. he saw me and was looking at me coldly, expecting me to return his coldness. but i immediately flashed my brightest smile, waved at him n greeted him good morning (quite loudly, coz he was a distance away from me). then when i got into the lift, i pressed the door open button to wait for him. he walked quite slowly, most prob wanna avoid getting into the same lift with me. but when he saw that i'm waiting for him, he walked faster and had to ride the lift with me.

in the lift, i (overenthusiastically) asked him, 'KG, ni hao! KG, zhui jin ni hao ma?' (how r u, are you fine nowadays?). he was kinda surprised at how i'm treating him. he answered 'bu shi hen hao' (not so good). so i answered him, 'aiyo, ke-lian loh' (aiyo, pity you) and added 'ni shui de hao ma?' (have you been sleeping soundly?). he answered, 'bu shi hen hao. mei you shui dao' (not so good. in fact, i didn't sleep at all). again i answered 'aiyo, ke-lian loh'. at this point, the lift had reached to my floor, so i got out. hahaha...

then throughout the day, whenever i meet him, i'll flash my smile and (always overenthusiastically) wave and greet him 'Hello KG! KG ni hao!' those clgs who knew abt my case had to hide their laughter. he must be fuming at my cheerfulness, coz he thought i'd be angry and will treat him coldly. that's reversed psychology for u!

anyway, he didn't free up my network in the morning. but i still made as tho' it didn't bother me. it was only after ard 4pm that i discovered my network's been opened up. so i resumed my work, careful to use only the online dictionary.

then later, i e-mailed Biow abt the skates bag she mentioned in my previous blog. so Biow sent me some links (3) with pics n their prices for me to view. but once i finished viewing those links, i got a network msg from the moron, going something like, "pls don't stick to the internet your whole life, sue imoto-san!"

gawd!! he's really monitoring me! i just visited 3 bloody links and i got a msg. he's too free izzit?? stupid fella.

access to internet again...

...tho restricted. in the HOD meeting today, my manager managed to get the stupid fella to open up my network by presenting my case. the stupid fella just kept quiet and didn't put up a fight. cheh! he's weaker than i thought! i thought he'll make a scene by presenting all the evidences of my exploiting the internet to the HOD n CEO... but all he did was just sat there looking down at his (empty) book.

the CEO also didn't say anything or take any sides... after listening to what my manager have to say, he just said, "ic, should open lar hor?" and that's it. case close! apa lar... i was preparing my case for a heated argument, in case my manager see the need for me to go into the meeting room for the defense. i thought up so many things to say to that moron, to make him lose face in front of the rest of the HOD n telling everyone that he plays online games, download mp3 n movies in the office. who's misusing the internet now? *sigh... so tak dramatic langsung... kekeke...

anyway, i gained access to my company e-mail and some sites, including yahoo, hotmail n gmail, but not my jaring acc or my blog. guess i'll just have to be content with blogging thru e-mails then!

i wonder if he's reading this... it goes thru the company server after all. but if he does, then it only goes to show that he's really free, when he should be utilizing his time more efficiently in upgrading the company system instead of blaming us staff of hogging the server.

i bought my skates!

at last, i went ahead n got it, a Risport RF4 model... but the price hiked! my frens got it at RM550, but i had to pay RM600 for it. the fella who sold it to me said they have to raise the price coz the exchange rate for pounds went up. shucks!

anyway, i have not sold my piano yet. but i can't wait anymore. the more advanced i get in skating, the more i'll be used to the skates provided by the rink. so i have to start getting used to my own skates b4 i get 'too attached' to the rink skates. even today, after getting my skates, i went for practice with it. gosh! i feel as if i can't skate anymore! the blades are so sharp compared to the rink skates that it took me sometime to get the hang of it. even so, i still can't skate as well as with the rink skates. still a bit awkward with it. and as with some new shoes, it'll hurt when we wear it for the first few times. so i need to bear with the pain for a few lessons b4 it gets seasoned out. hmm... now i kinda regret waiting until now to get it. first is the price hike, then it's the getting used to. now i feel as if i need to relearn all my steps!

well, every pleasure comes with a price. guess i'll have to survive on bread n water this month. but i won't let it dampen my spirit. still pretty excited abt my new skates!

*for those of u who's wondering, i paid by cash, not charge it on credit. so dun worry abt my debts, but my empty stomach!

heralding 2005

hmm... i think today is the first time in history there's no massive traffic jam towards kl on new year's eve. my housemates went to kl today n on their way back, they expected to see swarms of cars converging to kl. but all were quiet and clear... it's even quieter than normal weekends! i guess most ppl are heeding the PM's advice of canceling all celebrations this year in showing respect for all the victims in the Sumatra earthquake and its aftermath. really a big blast of an ending for 2004.

closer to home, i also had a stinking ending to 2004, brought on by a certain childish, immature and vengeful individual in my company. but i'm not too worried, coz it's a small matter. i have a clear conscience over this n i believe good will triumph over evil in the end.

happy new year!