confidence overload...

it's funny how just one thing can change a person's emotions. a word from someone, a look, an event, a small episode, a smell, a sound, a thought... and the next moment, we can be elevated to the state of euphoria, or drop to the depths of despair, or just about anywhere in between. it's true what buddhism teaches us, about the ever fluctuating 10 worlds of the human state.

anyway, i'm currently brimming with confidence, at my own ability, capability, my skills, my working experience... why? because i was just offered a job by another company a couple of days ago, with a somewhat big pay jump (at least big for me lar, considering the peanut pay i'm getting now...). and when i tried to tender my resignation, my current company in turn made me a counter offer, to match the pay the other company is offering. so seeing that my company has at last come to their senses (hehe...) and showed that they are sincere in wanting me to stay on, i accepted their counter offer. but then when i wrote to the other company to reject their offer, they countered my counter offer!

this last turn really took me by surprise. and i was really flattered... am i so good that now i'm caught in a tug-of-war between these two companies? hehe, self-delusion... anyway, for about 10 seconds, i was really very tempted. i contemplated going to my current company and telling them of this latest offer. but that thought only lasted for a full 10 seconds... ok, maybe 12 seconds. but i didn't want this tug-of-war thing to go on. furthermore, i have already accepted my company's counter offer. if i were to go back to them again and tell them that the other company has countered their counter offer and i would like to accept it, won't i be not keeping my words and come across as 'money face'? bagi betis nak paha? (malay for "given a calf but demands for a thigh" - is there an equivalent english proverb? can't think of one now) it's best not to be greedy...

so i stood my grounds and told the hr manager of that other company to stop tempting me! yes, i really told her that. "stop tempting me!" she even answered in a cheeky voice, "it's my job to tempt you. so how? would you consider?" :P but boy was she pushy! she kept asking me what my current company has promised me in their career plan for me, how much increment, what kind of promotion etc. she even tried to sway my loyalty by asking, "why now only they want to give you an increment?"

actually, i've asked myself this same question before. why now only show that they appreciate me? all my hard work. all the hours i put in. all the assistance i've given. all the commitment i've shown... why now only they want to reward me, after there's a possibility of losing me? why didn't the company know how to give reward on their own accord? why? why? why?

well, we can't get everything perfect in life. likewise, there's no perfect company... every company has their own way of doing things, their own set of top management with their policies, their own strengths and weaknesses. so even if i were to forward these questions to my management, i doubt i will get satisfactory answers from them. so for now, i'm just gonna accept the counter offer, grit my teeth and plough on until i find the path to my dreams... and what dreams are those? hmm... i think i have shared a few here and there in my blog throughout the years, but to really list them out, i guess that will be for another post for another time...

in the mean time, all these offers and counter offers has really boosted my confidence in myself. at least all my hard work has not gone to waste. am happy! :)