Wednesday, 14 April 2010

a freshie's survival guide in the world of bitchy co-workers...

recently, my seemingly innocent junior was embroiled in a catfight among some of our lady colleagues here, which involved gossips and tattletales.

in my efforts to stay positive and rise above all the poisonous vibes, i've been distancing myself from the drama and try not to get involved. i pretended not to see the tears, the exchange of knowing looks, the tension in the air and the underlying sarcasm in all the facebook statuses these past few days... it's business as usual for me, and i try to be as cheery and as upbeat as possible!

but i'd really like to have a serious talk with my junior. sloppy work and tardy work submission notwithstanding, i'd really like to restore the harmony in the work environment and make sure the same things don't happen again. so i've come up with this "guide", which i hope i'll be able to share with her soon. just hope she don't share it with the more senior colleagues she's currently very close with, lest they accuse me of trying to brainwash her and robbing the allegiance she currently has with them (hence getting myself involved!)

a freshie's survival guide in the world of bitchy co-workers

1. accept the fact that we're not perfect. and that people WILL talk.
we're all humans and no human is perfect. there will always be something about us that other people can't stand, and likewise, something about other people that we can't stand. so when we can't take anymore crap about someone, it's natural that we'll voice it out. some call it complaining, some call it gossiping, bad-mouthing, bitching, ranting, etc. whatever the name is, it's still "voicing out our dissatisfaction about the other person".

and one thing we can put our faith on, as sure as the sun that rises from the east, is that people will talk. but one thing most of us can't accept is when the topic is about us. the reason we can't stand it is because we can't accept the fact that we're imperfect. we can't accept our flaws. we can't accept the fact that we HAVE flaws at all. so we'll never understand why people would talk about such a perfect person as ourselves!

it is only by accepting that we're all imperfect creatures that we'll start to accept other people's criticism towards us. we may not agree with some of the things said about us, but hey, not everyone's perfect. maybe their perception towards us is wrong and totally off the mark, but that's just part of their own imperfection. we can't be making everyone's imperfection our business. what a tedious and pressured life that would be!

and we need to accept the fact that we can't control what other people say. we can only control our reaction towards it. it's entirely our choice how we want it to effect us. let it gets to us and spoil our whole day? get angry and lash out at other people in turn? retaliate by saying something mean? shrug it off? laugh it off? rise above and not let it effect us? those are the things we can control.

food for thought: all faiths that believe in a god say that god is perfect. and STILL, god gets bitched about everyday! so what makes us, mere humans, so special that people can't find a single thing about us to bitch?

2. it's ok to gossip, just don't repeat what others say!
admit it. we all gossip. it's one way for us to release all the built-up tension. we let go of some of the stress by ranting. 

case in point:
A: OMG, i really can't stand X! she's so bla bla bla...
B: yeah, and she always likes to bla bla bla...

after ranting, everyone feels a bit better and everyone goes back to work. at the end of the day, everyone is happy, everyone is still good friends.

but one thing we should never ever do is to repeat what other people said. even if B is close to A, it doesn't mean B should repeat what X said about A just because A showed some dissatisfaction towards X at that particular moment.

if this were to happen:
A: OMG, i really can't stand X! she's so bla bla bla...
B: and you know what X said about you?

A will be even more pissed with X and that may lead to a full-fledged war between A and X, and B would be the person who brought it about. and let me tell you this, only the most vile bitch would wish for any discord amongst her colleagues in the office.

and not only will there be tension in the work place, it will also have some consequences on B herself. first, she's smearing mud on her own name. if A is smart, she will now be wary of how untrustworthy B really is. B is repeating to A things said about her because B is good friends with A now. but things may change. B may start being chummy-chummy with C or D or E or even X in the near future, and then repeat to them things said about them in turn! so A will start to be very careful with what she said about other people in front of B.

secondly, B is only attracting all the unnecessary drama to herself. eg:
A: OMG, i really can't stand X! she's so bla bla bla...
B: and you know what X said about you?
A: what??? she has the cheek to say that?
(then A goes to confront X)
A: eh, why you said that about me?
X: no, i did not!
A: don't lie anymore. B told me everything!

originally, this is just about A's slight dissatisfaction about X. nothing to do with B at all. but now, the whole thing gets blown up, and the issue became B's issue as well. X is now angry with B and A won't trust B anymore.

3. if there's nothing to hide, why hide?
we hide things because we don't want people to know about it. if we say something, but our actions show something else, isn't it proof enough that we're trying to (but unsuccessfully) hide something? so we can't really blame people if they think we're lying and refuse to accept our explanation, because you know, lies don't really get us anywhere. no matter how good actors we may think we are, there will always be someone who sees through us. at the end of the day, truth always prevails. enough said...


Mona said...

u have the potential to write a guidebook think about it. :)

Theoratically speaking, it's a perfect guide for our cats and dogs world but practically, it's kinda hard to apply.

Still, well said. :)

stargal said...

hahaha... guidebook??? siao meh? no lar, for fun can lar... ;)

Biow said...

wah..u'r indeed very good senior

stargal said...

biow, haiz... just hope she feels that way too lar.