of sentimental emotions...

was lending an ear to lotsachi last week, who was a bit down and wanted to rant her head off at the rather unfeelingly way a relative sold off her beloved piano back home. i was trying to be the rational one, telling her to stop being so sentimental. she's away from home and even if the piano wasn't sold off, she might not have the chance to lay a finger on it ever again anyway. so what's the point of just 'owning' it? might as well let the piano fulfill it's karma as a piano, and not end up as just another piece of furniture.

then lotsachi asked me, "have you ever felt this way about something?"

this made me stopped short. in fact, i had the very same experience. not that i had a piano sold off too, but the experience of having something i cherished being given away without my knowledge.

so here's the story... once upon a time, i was yearning for a barbie doll of my own (there, i said it! I WANTED A BARBIE DOLL WHEN I WAS YOUNG!). with a government servant for a dad, i wouldn't say we were poor. the recession did not affect us and we certainly had food on our table at every meal. but we weren't rich either. so even tho' we did not freeze from lack of clothes nor starve from lack of food, we did not really have any "extras" either and we certainly did not have the luxury of getting what we want.

and say what you will, but i believe every little girl will want at least a barbie doll of their own. and it's no help that nearly all the girls in my primary school class has them. imagine how one would feel always having to borrow her friend's "second best doll' during play dates.

so one year, with my birthday looming, cousin wayne who had just recently started earning a salary asked me what i would like, and i jumped at the opportunity! i want a barbie doll! i didn't know how much it cost (actually i still don't!), but as someone has volunteered to buy me something, why shouldn't it be something that i've longed for, right?

but when the date arrived, i was a tad disappointed when i saw a big box that can't possibly hold a barbie doll inside. upon opening it, i saw that cousin wayne had bought me the barbie doll's home furniture set! he explained that the dolls are very expensive and he thought the furniture is more value for money. (btw, cousin wayne is an accountant! go figures...)

so even though i still didn't have my own doll and still had to use other ppl's "second best doll", now i have the home furniture set! sometimes i can even negotiate for the use of the "best doll" with them. and i took really good care of them, keeping them nicely in the box. not a piece went missing the whole time i had them, even those small-small fruits for the fruits basket.

years later, after i've out-grown playing with dolls, i still kept it nicely in my cupboard. my parents were always suggesting that i give it away to my nieces, but i'd never hear of it. it's one of my prized possession and i guard it with my life!

then i left home to go to university. with no one to guard my stuff, my parents had free access to my room and the stuff in my cupboard. and so one day, while cousin lilian was visiting my parents with her toddler, dad just couldn't resist the cuteness of my niece penny. wanting to lure her into letting him carry her, dad took out my barbie furniture set and gave it to her!!! what the...???

when i confronted dad, he justified it by saying that i'm too old to be playing with such toys... it doesn't matter that niece penny was just a toddler and the toy is for 6 years and up. and imagine my horror when during a visit to cousin lilian's house, i saw pieces of my beloved barbie furniture set in a big basket of toys and shrewn all over niece penny's play room! it was all i could do to keep from screaming! and my parents just can't understand my anger... they thought i'm just acting so childishly over some little kid's toy!

well, looking back, it all seemed so childish now. and i might have given up the furniture set later on... but it'll be in my own time, when i'm ready to give it up. and to someone who'll treasure and cherish it as much as i did too. definitely NOT a toddler! yes, it's just a toy. but to me, it's more than that. it's a longing, a dream from my childhood.

hmmm... aren't we all creatures of sentimental emotions?