Tuesday, 8 March 2011

of daughters-in-law...

it seems like every time the aunties get together, the topic of discussion, other than their unmarried children (if any), will surely be about daughters-in-law (DILs). it's either their own DIL(s) or their friends'/relatives'/neighbours'/friends' friends'/ neighbours' friends' DILs!

the recent cny was no difference. every opportunity they get, they'll launch into a full and detailed discussion on the topic. of course, not all the comments are negative ones. there are also some praises, albeit few and far between, for some good DILs that they know of, particularly the filial and patient DIL of my other aunt.

anyway, one day in the car on one of our cny visitation rounds, my mom and my aunt were busy indulging themselves in this heated topic, totally ignoring me, my dad and my uncle in the car. to be fair, not everything they complained about are baseless, because some DILs are really too much and should be given a few rounds of spanking! but as a future DIL myself (hopefully!), their comments and complaints put much pressure on me.

after a while, i can't stand it anymore and decided to speak out. their initial surprise at my sudden "lai, lai (mandarin for come, come), listen to a young lady's point of view on the matter", were quickly replaced by enthusiasm, and they quickly invited me to speak my mind. so this is what i said:

"as a wife, if my husband is capable enough to provide for me and the kids, and i'm not required to be a co-breadwinner, of course i'd be happy to play the role of a good wife, good mother and good DIL. but if i need to go out and earn a living, of course i can't be expected to be coming home from work, cook, clean the house, take care of the children etc without any help from my husband. coz a home is a joint responsibility, not only that of the wife alone. in this age and times, gone are the days where housework is the sole responsibility of females. men should shoulder some of these responsibilities as well, since we're shouldering part of their responsibilities of putting food on the table."

of course, i didn't say this in such structured sentences (and they were in mandarin), but it's the gist of the message. upon hearing this, the two older women replied that of course as MILs and working women themselves, they would understand that too and that they also don't expect their DILs to be superwomen. and they too know that young ladies nowadays have different thinking and do things differently from their times. in the end, what's important is striking a balance.

i guess this topic of "MIL from hell" and "the terrible DIL" will never end for both young and old women (depending on which camp you're at). of course, there are also some fortunate women who've enjoyed good MIL-DIL relationships. ultimately, it's all a balancing act from both parties, coz like in all relationships, it's a two way thing.


to a few of my friends who are going to tie the knot this year and next, here's wishing you a happy marriage life in all areas! ((hugz))


Biow said...

i always thot I'm a good DIL.. unfortunately not true.. heh..

stargal said...

heh, for your case is different. ur MIL is........... :P

gina said...


I guess kena give and take a bit, because both of you love the same man - as a mother and also a wife.

I think the basic thing is, just have sense of respect for the elderly. I know some MIL are from hell.. my friend's MIL wanted her to slaughter a real chicken to prove she can handle the kitchen. Of coz my friend didn't do it - can buy from supermarket mah.. why slaughter? Bogok betul. LOL.

stargal said...

wahlao, really too much ler... so kuno the thinking!